A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think i'm in one of the hardest situations ever in my life.Usually people think that getting their heart broken is the worst thing to deal with but for me breaking someone else's heart seems to be a lot worse.I have my heart broken by someone i truly love..when he broke up with me i thought i'm over him, that i can move on. Another guy was there for me and after a short time we got together we both felt we fell for each other. I truly thought i'm over the first guy...but the truth revealed itself soon after we got together as a couple. I started to miss my ex terribly and all my new bf did seemed not good enough and i longed for my ex's care, attention, way of treating me etc.I tried to suppress my feelings trying so hard to work out things with my bf ..but it just made me feel really unhappy and i realised i had a crush on him but nothing more.I want to tell him this relation is not good for me, that we are not meant to be together and that i'm still in love with my ex. But the tough part is he is truly in love with me..whatever i do he says he loves me, and he will always love me. I know how much this relation means to him and i'm torn apart. I hate myself for letting this go this far.. and i hate myself for breaking his heart..how can i tell him it's over? please help me..i feel horrible about it :(( he's such a caring guy and i love him but i'm not in love with him :(:(
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broke up, crush, miss my ex, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 You already know what must be done but you are talking yourself out of it. While you think you are sparing this guy from hurt you are only making it worse because you are perpetuating a situation that keeps both of you from moving on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thank you for your advices
first of all, the first guy broke up with me because he got busy with his life but claims that feels the same way about me, but NO we are not together, and we never been together after i met my bf and i haven't had sex behind his back with my ex either..
my bf was there for me when we broke up with my ex so he knows exactly how i feel about my ex and he also knows that i never loved anyone as i did love my ex..
the two guys don't know each other personally
i haven't told him yet how i feel, but he says i'm the reason why he wakes up smiling every day and he feels extremely happy to know he has me..while i wake up thinking of my ex :(
i'm pretty sure he will be heart broken..and i love him as a friend so i feel a good amount of guilt to break his heart that's true
@Wild Thaing
thank you for your advice..i know i have to break up as soon as possible cause that's fair and the best for both of us but every time i try it i end up being unable to break his heart...
i don't know which is the best way...i so wish i knew..
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (26 October 2010):
Guilt is one of the worst possible guides for action. However it seems that you are under the spell of guilt.
What if I told you there was someone "out there" for this guy that will make this relationship seem like a nice memory? Would this information help you out?
I was in the same situation as you at around the same age as you. Once I realized how much I was NOT over my previous girlfriend I ended it with my girlfriend at that time. The one who gets dumped always hurts, but I guarantee that your guy will be hurt many times over if he finds out that you continued this relationship based on a lie.
Let your guy go in the most respectful way you can think of, but let him go. Every minute you hold onto him is another minute that you are holding him back from that girl who will turn this relationship into a nice memory. More importantly, every minute you stay delays your search for "that guy". I eventually found "that girl" who made the first girl a nice memory. It can happen if you're patient. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): You got a tough one on your hands. What reason did you give him for breaking it off? How long did you two go out? How long has it been since you broke it off? Did you two have sex? Were you and your ex having sex behind his back? Did you tell him about your relationship and feelings for your ex when you two first started talking or did he personally know your ex? How do you know he is heartbroken? How did he respond? It's hard to give you advice without more background info.
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