A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i was really good friends with this boy in my class and we used to have fun hanging out tgether. We were reasonably close for about a month but then suddenly on monday, i went to school and i felt like he was cold shouldering me. I thought it could possibly be because there were a few rumors going around about us. It got worse everyday and I felt like he didnt want to talk to me. This went on for a month and is still happening. I told one of my friends who is also a good friend of his and she said i should talk to him and sort it out but I didnt have to courage to and i felt extremely intimidated by him. He never tried to fix it either. A week or two later, I found out he had told someone else that he thought that I wasn't talking to him. Its a huge misunderstanding. Day by day it got really messy and ugly as more people got involved and i heard that he said some bad things about me which really hurt me. Yet, i still want to fix it and be friends again to do away with all the awkwardness. Im new to this school and i dont want to be in a fight with anyone. Should i do something about it or leave it be considering he said something about me that really hurt? Since we stopped talking, I've begun to miss him so much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 You like him. I knew THAT from the get-go.
Move on. Leave him behind. Don't act desperate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe probably thinks I like him but it isnt so..i mean im not sure about my feelings
other people have been talking to him about it again and again and he probably thinks I tell them to keep asking him and bugging him but it isn't like that. initially i tried to keep my distance as best i could but other people ensured it was otherwise so thats why he thinks i try too hard and therefore he called me desperate, which in my society, is a pretty bad thing to say about especially a girl .
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 September 2009):
1) Email?
2) Phone Call?
3) Approach him in the hallways at school when he is not around his friends?
Why would he get angry with you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear lola1, i couldnt read what you wrote cause it didnt get posted :(
i know i should talk to him but im really really scared to face rejection
i had never seen him angry before but when i saw him angry and screaming, it freaked me out !
how is the best way to approach him?
thankss
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 September 2009):
I am not sure if you read everything I wrote. You don't know he said you were desperate. You heard from someone else that he said it. You don't know what (if any) misunderstandings may have been involved.
Ultimately, you have two choices.
1) Leave things as is and move on.
2) Talk to him and see if the friendship can be repaired.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for the advice.
The only thing is that he intimidates me so much. And i also heard that he said i was 'desperate' this was the thing that hurt me soo much. Sometimes i feel like if i talk to him, or try more then he'll think im even more desperate?
I feel very awkward around him, something i thought i would never be when we were friends. He seemed to kind, sweet and not like the other guys then, but now he just acts like he doesnt care at all.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (29 September 2009):
CaringGuy is right.
One thing you should learn about school is that rumours are to be ignored; and I say that not caring how good the friend is who whispered it to you. They are not above mistakes.
In grade (grammar/primary) school in Canada, we used to play a game called, "Telephone", of which I am certain there are various international versions. All the children sit in a circle and one starts by whispering in another child's ear any statement of their choice. The game is designed to find the humour in how that one statement can be distorted as it travels from child to child.
If this person is a friend and is important to you, engage them in a non-confrontational conversation. Explain you miss him as a friend and are confused about what happened. Presume he did not say what you "heard" he said and that if he did, it would be due to a misunderstanding on his part (maybe he heard you said something hurtful about him; another damaging and untrue rumour).
Do not accuse him of anything you did not hear him say with your own ears or witness him do with your own eyes.
If you are uncomfortable with a face-to-face, perhaps you can try a phone call after school or another live conversation that does not involve a third party.
Even if this tactic does not have the immediate effect of repairing the old friendship, it should lessen the tension and open a door for that friendship to return in the future. It will elevate you above the rumour-spreading crowd because you will be seen as able to deal with things on your own and in a compassionate and mature manner (without involving anyone else).
And be patient. Maybe he feels awkward about the untrue rumours involving you both and wants to dispel them before they have too much life. When your fellow students are talking about someone else (and they will soon enough), he may wish to be close to you again.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
The only thing you can do is ask him face to face. Forget the rumours and such. Go to him and talk to him. That's the only way to be sure.
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