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female
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anonymous
writes: me and my ex split up because he cheated on me. we were together for two and a half years. i spent over 2yrs driving up and down motorway to see him at uni -i never minded. i did pay for everything and gave up job i loved but i loved him more. last oct he rang me one night to tell me he'd cheated on me. i was gutted but after few days was willing to forgive him. within 24hrs he decided he couldn't deal with commitment, or how i could forgive him and wanted to split but nothing was certain for months. he came home at xmas very friendly wit still called me pet names told me love me. finally he finished uni came home in aug told me still loved me and very sorry -i slept wit him next day he said was a mistake. still see him on occassions couple times a months he still calls me pet names and said loves me but doesn't want us to be together -or say never actually says that just that he doesn't know. his best friend and my best friend have been together 5 yrs -we are socially connected and always end up seeing each other. i miss him so much and don't know how to move on. he hasn't moved on but i dread the day he does it will kill me pls help i'm getting so depressed about it. i have told him he can't keep telling me he loves me or pet names (even though i love it when he does). i don't know what to do.
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female
reader, pretty_girl_UK +, writes (12 November 2006):
I have been in a similar situation , but on the other side. I kinda split up with gf for a while, she was quite devastated about it but after that I realised I can't really love another like I love her. There might be some issue in his life, some problem or something that's been troubling him that makes him act like this. I don't know what to say because I don't know much about his / your situation. One thing I must ask U. Do U think his love for U before the event was as strong as yours towards him?
Also U must try to force things a little bit because staying in this situation too much will depress U more and more. Tell him in the face how U love him still and that U're willing to sacrifice a lot for him. And tell him that as long as he loves U, the rest doesnt matter. See what asnwer he's got to that. I've got a hunch he might be holding out on something because if it was real love between U 2 and if he still clings on to you then there must be something out there. He can't love U a lot one day and then not the next. If he's a proud guy-like I am- :), try and not make a fight out of this. Be gentle towards his feelings and maybe he will open up and explain what's really going on.
If on the other hand he's not in love with U anymore, and he just feels comfortable being around U then U must get closure ASAP.
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I hope he didnt lie about the cheating part just to find a reason to break it off. Sometimes it;s easy for some people to create reasons for the other half to leave them instead of bringing the real matters on the table. Like for example, are U guys on the same professional/educational level ? Did any of you have previous engagements/marriages ?
Good luck . I really hope&pray that you get back together and have a nice relationship. God Bless !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): Reading your posting made me feel so sad for you. Stop talking to him! My dear, you are behaving way too needy and you are allowing yourself to continually be involved with a man who is simply, stringing you along. Any little signal he gives you makes you feel worthwhile and cared for. It's well known that some people go back to what is always familiar, and evidently your heartfelt feelings are blinding you to what he is really doing. He's got you running after him and he's enjoying it. Do you want to continue a relationship which this young man? If you do, you will need many things, including his unconditional love, his respect and a full commitment to you. Tell him that and if he cannot come through for you...cut him lose, asap. If you do move on..do NOT contact him or talk to him. Take the time to become strong, practice self care, cry, grieve..do what it takes. It will be hell but get over him..he's treating you like a doormat and you are there to allow him to wipe his shoes on your back, whenever he gets an inkling to be nice. Set some boundries and allow yourself, to get your self-respect back. Once, you heal and recover...get out there and find a less complicated love interest and learn to get to know someone well, use your head and be smart before giving your heart away!
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