A
male
age
41-50,
*drian77
writes:I've been dating a girl for a month and we had a great time but she is leaving in a year and a half so she says she doesn't want to commit to me, so she only wants to be friends, so we don’t get hurt later on. I can understand that but I can't be her friend. Whenever I’m with her I pressure her for intimacy. So I decided not to see her anymore. But I miss her with all my heart. I haven't called her in a week and she hasn't called either and I’m dying to see her. But I've told her I would stay away. I don't know if I’m doing the right thing. She kissed me with tears in her eyes and told me not to leave her and call her when I’m ready to be friends.
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male
reader, adrian77 +, writes (29 May 2009):
adrian77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advise i really apreciate it a lot. I feel now im doing the right thing even though i kind of agree with Gina as to at least have her as friend rather than nothing at all, but I know im not ready for that. So i will try to stick with the plan and stay away. Maybe if she starts to miss me she will change her mind
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): hey man.. this is pretty much the situation i'm in too.. simply devastated by all this 'let's just be friends' and yes its my first time..
but i'm just need a little more time to regain my strength, pull my self up, wipe the dust and keep walking.. there are millions of girls out there longing for someone to come along.. people out there who are actually in need for a lot of love..
about being friends, hmm maybe.. but i figured that when u keep in touch at this time, it just adds to the pain.. i found it really hard to not call her, or not send a mail, and then wait for replies.. leaving the rest of the world not cared for.. simply devastating.. but then started to take a day at a time.. restraining myself frm calling or mailing her.. remember, it takes 21 days to bring something into a habit.. and u just hold on mate.. its about time u'll find someone else... even if u don't after 1.5 yrs she maybe back.. it will be more interesting then.. cause u would have learnt much more and experienced more, and would certainly be a different man..
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveCoach +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Dear Adrian77,
It appears that this girl is not attracted to you. If she were, the year and a half would not be a factor. Instead, it is an excuse. I'm afraid she sees you as a "nice guy" and wants to relegate you to the friendship category. If you choose to stick around, you will remain firmly entrenched as the "nice guy friend."
Think of it this way: when a woman says, "Let's just be friends," you've just received the kiss of death. If this is not the first time you've heard this line, it would be good to start figuring out how to attract women.
I know it's hard to stay away. Would you rather keep sticking around and getting rejected? She has rebuffed your attempts at intimacy. She's either not attracted to you or you're not creating attraction.
So, if you don't want this, then start learning about what is attractive to women. Start by reading the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, PhD. Look into David De Angelo's material about Double Your Dating.
I wish you the best of success, Michelle
Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Singles Love Coach
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