A
female
age
41-50,
*bettis
writes:I am falling for my co-worker pretty hard. The problem is I have been married for 6 1/2 years. My marriage is good, but I feel more attracted and connected to this co-worker everyday. He greets me everyday with how is my beautiful little five foot ray of sunshine. He listens to me all of the time. He has never really acted out of line with me though he does give me cookies some times and he once said I was the woman of his dreams were it not for me being married. He just started seeing this other woman and I want so badly for it to fail that I can't stand it. I don't know if I am jealous because he won't be paying as much attention to me or if I feel I married the wrong man and I want this other guy. I am torn and could use some input from anyone who has had a similar situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): I have to say it is so nice to see someone else out there going through the same thing, i have the exact same situation to a T and have felt like such a heathen the past several months for the feelings and thoughts i've been having. I finally feel i have someone to "talk" to.
I have to tell you (for both of our sakes) that I know one huge problem for me is this: my husband and i DON'T have sex anymore (and we are in our 20's!!!) So when the guy at work makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and says little things, well... it's easy to get caught up in that. i LOVE my husband dearly and know i couldn't/wouldn't cheat but this feeling is horrible. I am going to have a talk with him about my needs and hope he gets the drift.... I recommend the same to you - assess what's missing in your marriage and what you could do together to improve it. Good luck and I hope you'll let us know how it turns out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): I have to say it is so nice to see someone else out there going through the same thing, i have the exact same situation to a T and have felt like such a heathen the past several months for the feelings and thoughts i've been having. I finally feel i have someone to "talk" to.
I have to tell you (for both of our sakes) that I know one huge problem for me is this: my husband and i DON'T have sex anymore (and we are in our 20's!!!) So when the guy at work makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and says little things, well... it's easy to get caught up in that. i LOVE my husband dearly and know i couldn't/wouldn't cheat but this feeling is horrible. I am going to have a talk with him about my needs and hope he gets the drift.... I recommend the same to you - assess what's missing in your marriage and what you could do together to improve it. Good luck and I hope you'll let us know how it turns out!
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A
female
reader, bbettis +, writes (11 November 2008):
bbettis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't imagine that my co-worker is just a crush. I have known him for going on four years now. He has always made my heart beat faster whenever I see him. It isn't just the way he treats me it is the way he treats total strangers. It is the way he lights up when he sees me. It is the way he always watches out for me at work so nobody walks all over me. It is the way he always splits his cookie from his lunch with me because he knows I like sweets. I know it isn't a crush I just don't know how to deal with it all right now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I can relate. I've been married for 7 years to a great person, but have realized that we went into our relationship without the usual "chemistry" that past relationships have had. Growing up until my mid-twenties,I always had intense relationships, some long lasting (3+ years) and others more shortly lived. When I got married, I think I may have deliberately went in a "safer" direction where the ups and downs of a passionate relationship would be minimized. Unfortunately, I'm finding more and more that my spouse and I are in more of a friendship only type of relationship which is really making us BOTH feel inadequate. I miss those long kissing sessions and feeling my knees buckle when my counterpart walks in the room and lighting it up with their smile.
I recently met a new friend at an event who sent sparks flying inside of me. I've had opportunities over the last 7 years to be around other attractive and interesting people, but for some reason this new person has really rocked my world. We have all become fairly good friends, and work associates and my spouse has recently noticed my response to our new friend. I was honest with them in how I found this person to be interesting and attractive and how their attention made me feel more upbeat. But, I also acknowleged that this was simply an adult crush and nothing more, as I'm smart enough to know and remember the "grass is always greener" lesson. As the last 5 months have passed though, I'm finding that these feelings have maintained themselves and have even developed into something new - something that I've never quite felt before. Could it be that this person and I are falling for eachother, or just an extended crush? I'm not sure. We have both kept things on the up and up, and the topic has not even come up. However, I have enough experience in romance to know that there are feelings happening.
I'm interested to know how your situation turned out, if you've brought your feelings to the surface with your co-worker, or if you've managed a way to reconnect with your husband. Some people just need to revitalize the spark after a few years of a routine marriage and get back on track. My problem is that I think that the "spark" or chemistry was only there in the friend capacity in my relationship from the outset. Can anyone shed some equal advice out there for me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): well if you really want him to stop flirting with you,you can say what I say to Uncle Phil all the time.I have a husband who has a black belt in Karate and wouldn't hesitate to punch the daylights out of anyone who so much as looks at me.(laughing).seriously speaking dear there are lots of guys who say something nice just to brighten up someone's day.The guy seems like a harmless flirt.Just laugh and ignore him for the rest of the day.A friend of mine said Guys think of sex 1000 times a day.So they flirt!The best way to handle this would be to laugh it off and don't take anything seriously.All the best dear!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Hi,im not married but am engaged to a wonderful man but i cant get this man i work with out of my head. Like yourself it is just flirting nothing has happened but i do fantasise about him when im with my boyfriend. The thing is a fantasy is always different to a reality and if anything ever did happen with you and your colleague it may not be as great as you expected-i.e the whole grass is greener situation..Maybe your husband isnt paying you enough attention and this attention you are getting from your co-worker is exciting. Also its nice to have friendly banter and flirting at work-everyone does it.Good luckx[Mod Note:] 'You' is spelt YOU, not 'u'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): It sounds to me like he's just flirting with you in the friendliest of ways. You're married, and he knows you're married, so he considers you to be a safe flirting target because he believes nothing will ever come of it.
Don't take this flirting to mean anything other than friendly banter. The fact that the two of you are co-workers would not be very good if things went any further and you know if it all went wrong things would become quite difficult at work.
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