A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i am approaching 50, i have been on my own for 8 years.i met a guy i was at school with, for six weeks he couldn't get enough of me, in his words i was his number 1, he would do anything for me, he was so kind and thoughtfull. he seperated earlier this year, although they had lived seperate lives for years (this has been backed up from someone who knows them) one of his daughters (17) lives with him, and i know both daughters are very demanding. he has his own bussiness and is also building a house, over the six weeks he told me things that were quite private relating to friends, business dealings etc, that i was quite shocked that he was so open,as some of the things could have serious repercussions. just after we met for the first time, he sent an email, saying he thought he may be a bit rough and ready for me, and the decision was all mine if i wanted to continue, he made it very clear he hoped i would make the right decision.from then on he contacted by phone email many times a day.he bought me a phone so we could contact each other easier,(his phone by the way is definatly his only phone as it's listed in yellow pages). then two weeks ago texted me, he said we should take a little time out, i have contacted him a few time sometimes he has texted back, but he doesn't answer my calls. i have now given up all contact. i still have the phone he gave me and it still works, i suppose he could have cancelled it straight away. but i just don't understand what happened. I would be grateful if anyone can shed some light, i.e. will he come back. many many thanks
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female
reader, mary1957 +, writes (10 September 2007):
Thanks for this, it just hurts that he didn't have the decency to tell me straight, and keep me in limbo, you would have thought i should know better at this stage in my life! Also having known him since school days.Does anyone have any dating tips? from both a male and female perspective would be good.Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I know he said all these things to you but he is just a bull shitter, that's all. Would you have given him the time of day if he had told you that he thought you were weak and you suck?? Of course not!
But you have got to remember that actions speak louder than words. He said a lot of nice things to you about how you were a strong cool woman. But then he dropped you like a rock. What does that say about how he really feels??
Have you ever heard of guys telling girls they 'love her' just to get her in bed?? (I'm not saying you went to bed with him, but I am just saying how some guys act just to get what they want).
I know it is unfair that he could decieve you with words the way he has. That is wrong. You don't do that. That shows alot about his character, eh?? And look what he has done because of it? Now you are all confused and in the dark and trying to make sense of his malicious behavior. That's just what he wants! Believe me!
I dated ALOT throughout my early 20's. (Not sex, just dating). And I met a few guys just like yours. All you want to know is WHY. Why would he say that and then leave me?? Because he has got issues. That is not normal behavior. Believe me. It's not. He has got issues. That's all. A normal guy with good values (which is the MAJORITY) would not try to decieve you. They might try to get you in bed. But they wouldn't do this whole act to keep you stringing along or whatever. Believe it or not, the majority of men would not lie to you.
You just had bad luck to meet the one guy who is a little chemically imbalanced and has no respect for normal rules of decency in social and dating behavior. I have been trying to avoid saying this throughout this whole post, but his behavior is so off the wall, to me he sounds crazy. Lying?? And decieving like that?? It's NOT NORMAL. Most guys are not like that. Believe me. They're not. They might sleep with you and never call again. But create this whole fake relationship?? You should feel so lucky right now that he is gone. He is weird. I'm telling you.
Go get a GOOD GUY. They are ALL AROUND YOU!!! I promise you! You deserve it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Thank you Sadie, he has a lot on his plate, and i do think you are correct, he could have cancelled the phone straight away, this way he keeps things open, i did ask him if he wanted to end things and all he would say is we need to take a little time out and decide what we both want. I have been out and about with good friends and the phone is switched off, I have to admit i switch it on just to check and then switch it off again!, but I am adamant i will not contact him first. that's down to him. than you so much for your advice. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): It's no wonder you are so confused by his actions - first he shows alot of interest, contacting you all the time and sharing personal things about his life with you, then he calls to say he wants some time out. He probably hasn't cancelled the phone because he doesn't want to sever all contact with you, and would like to think that if he changes his mind in the future, then he can call you and pick up where you left off. As he said, he thinks you should have some time out, but he is not ending things altogether. It sounds like he has been through quite alot recently and would like to take stock. Many people, when they first break up with someone, look towards another as a way of making themselves feel better. Perhaps he feels he has been rash and is now looking to put the breaks on for a while. However, are you willing to wait until he is able to pick up where he left off? You should turn the phone off, don't make contact with him again unless he contacts you first, go out there and meet someone who is able to give you the time and respect you deserve. You don't need to make any rash decisions, but you do need to realise that while he is thinking about what he wants, you could be out there having fun yourself. Get dolled up, grab a friend, and get yourself out there. You're only 50 - far to young to settle for someone indecisive who can't decide what he wants or with whome. X
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Thank you for this reply, it does make sense! I just wish he made sense! Being confident and strong were also what he found attractive in me, maybe I showed my vunerable side,I felt he was the one that was vunerable at first, as he did ask me if i would cast him aside, but I just cannot understand all the things he said to me, and then not to respond. this is going to take some time. I do know his daughter is not settled and he is worried about her well being. Thank you again where ever you areDoes anyone else have any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): It's like richard says, "if he doesn't answer your calls, I guess you have your answer." It's true.
It sucks though. I mean I understand your confusion because he said all these things to you and did nice things for you and then just cuts all contact. That is weird. Men are so weird sometimes. That is just awful. You don't do that.
I don't know if he will come back. But I think he probably will. And I know you would like that. But the reality is that he is playing games with you. For your own well being you would probably be better off telling him to go f*ck himself.
Just so you know, that happened to me once. I was dating this guy for about six weeks too. I really liked him. He didn't say all that stuff to me or buy me a phone but I thought that he liked me. Well anyways six weeks later, without even telling me, he just stopped calling me and I tried calling him twice, and he didn't answer my calls or call me back. So I let it go.
And six months later he called me out of the blue! I was so nonchalant but I was nice. I didn't want him to think he had any effect on me. Anyways he asked a ton of questions (I didn't even ask one) and he told me that he was SO SORRY for being such a dick (those were his exact words). He called himself a dick! I was so happy. And he said that he hoped we could still be friends. I was like sure, whatever (but I was really thinking, 'with friends like you, who needs friends?') Ha! And I made my peace.
Guys ALWAYS regret it. They are dicks but they have a conscience that always catches up to them somehow. So yes I think he will come back. And absolutely NO I don't think you should give him the time of day when he does.
Oh and p.s. this guy thinks that you are vulnerable. That is why he thinks he can get away with this. And the only reason he gave you a phone is so that he can keep stringing you along when he does come back. Do you really want to be with a guy who thinks you are vulnerable and who thinks he can treat you like this and get away with it (because that is exactly what he thinks and that is pretty condescending, don't you think?) Or would you rather be with a guy who thinks you are a STRONG woman, who wouldn't dare let you get away?? If you get back with him you will have proved him right. Do you think you are vulnerable or weak?? Cause if you don't, then prove him WRONG. Don't settle for this mediocrity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Thanks, the last text I had from him 5 days ago, just said he was very busy & very tired, yes he is very busy and i know his daughters 17 & 20 are also very demanding, playing father & mother off against each other,and the house build top of all he has going on. wouldn't you think though he would have cancelled the phone. I don't know, maybe I need some dating tips
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (8 September 2007):
 Hi - I'm similar age. Doesn't sound good. Were you together for six weeks??? It's difficult to tell what's going on - is he very busy workwise? - or maybe he's just lost interest. Did you have any interests together? And any future engagements together. Sorry I can't shed any light. If he won't answer your calls I guess you have your answer.
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