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female
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anonymous
writes: Been with my boyfriend for nine months now. Met him through a Christian dating website and met him not long after. The problem is that was nine months ago and I haven't seen him since. He lives 2 hours away on the train so not very far but he's training to be ordained as a deacon so he's always really busy and looks like he's gonna get busier over next few months. But he may be coming to the same town to study in September.I don't know what to do. I really love him and he feels the same. But his comitments to the church mean he never really has time to meet up and has increasingly less time for me in general,ie talking(we now even fail to talk once a week most of the time).I don't wanna lose him but I dont wanna come between him and his church ministry so I'm stuck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): I'm very sorry I'm going to have to give you bad news, but please don't shoot the messenger. One meeting in 9 months is not a relationship. This man is not your boyfriend.
Church commitments are very laudable, but not a reason to neglect somebody who you care for. And that is the crux of this - he cannot care for you if he doesn't make time for you to this extreme an extent. Being a little distracted is understandable of course, but this goes beyond that. I am very sorry that will be hurtful for you and hard to accept. There is a very clear dichotomy between his words to you and his behaviour towards you - it is always actions that are the more telling, and you should be guided by that.
You don't want to lose him - I understand. But do you have him even now? It doesn't sound like it, you are being presented with a mirage of a relationship rather than the real thing. Don't stay because of a potential maybe future with him - it is very trusting of you to have stayed so far and I admire you for it, don't change this trust you have of other people. But 9 months is enough patience. Don't be taken for a fool.
Better fish in the sea!
Good luck.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (12 November 2005):
 This fella is not interested.If he was really keen on you he would of done all he could to see you.This man is stringing you along and he hasnt got the guts to tell you.How can it be a proper relationship if you havent seen him for over 9 months.Im afraid God cmes first and anything else last.I suggest you go and find someone else who will want to spend time with you and give you a loving relationship that you deserve.You are wasting your time with him.His lost not yours.
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