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female
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anonymous
writes: hi everyone. i dont really know what to do. i am 22 and i am in a relationship of 5 years and have cheated on my boyfriend. i have never done this before. a new guy started at work and we both knew we had chemistry straight away. so there was harmless flirting but the tension has been building for a few weeks until the other day we kissed and stuff and the morning after we carried on. the thing is i dont feel guilty, i just want more from this guy and he doesn't seem as interested as he used to be. he also thinks me and my boyfriend are on a break. i really dont know what to do. i dont think i love my boyfriend anymore, but we are so far in our relationship that it is almost impossible to split amicably due to my family, his family, booked holidays etc and am worried about starting from scratch again. please help me, i am pretty desparate for help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): Yes, this is a pretty sticky situation. But, I have been in a similar one myself. I'll start off by saying that five years is a long time, and you owe your bf the respect to be open and honest with him, however, only as much as absolutely necessary. If the bf just doesnt do it for you anymore, and you definitley want to break things off with him, I dont believe that you need to tell him what happened with the work stud, but be open with him about the rest of your feelings. Hopefully he will appreciate your honesty on that part. If you think that you just need a break from your guy and it may be temporary, then just tell him that you care and respect him too much to not be completely open with him, and that you need a little time to yourself. Just remember that you are dating this guy, not his family, and also that your family will most likely stick by you with whatever you decide to do.
All I can say about the guy with the "chemistry" is that if he doesnt seem interested now, after he finally got you, then do not pine over him. Go find some other hottie that will give you what you need.
As for "starting from scratch" as you said, dont look at it as a huge maze that you are going to have to try to struggle through again, but as a new route that you get to take! Hanging out at places that you didnt with your bf and meeting mew people (aka guys) that you werent able to before, will either remind you of what you were missing out on being attached for so long, or make you realize that your man is the one for you.
Just something that works for me sometimes....dont think about it too much, you only end up making yourself a wreck. Dont think about all the times you had together in the past, what the families will say, or anything like that. Just ask yourself one question, do I want this relationship right now? Its a simple yes or no answer. I wish you the best of luck! -Amigo
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (16 December 2005):
 Hi there, the choice is really yours but its never best tpo have two relationships at the same time because it usually leads to confusion and u may end up loosing the two guys. You obviously are into this new guy but u should ask urself what u really want from a relationship and which guys is providing u with that. people want different things some like commitment others want to have fun. from your question your present bf seem to be offering a more stable relationship but u feel u dont love him anymore. While u have a lot of chemistry with ur co-worker but am not sure of where it is leading to.The choice is really yours but i would suggest u stop playing games and let one of them go. wishing u the best. i hope u make the right choice.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 December 2005):
 If your new friend is distancing himself from you so soon makes me think you were probably no more than a fling. And since you don't really think you love your boyfriend anymore I guess the answer is very simple. You break up with him. It's not as if you are married. Just because you don't like the idea of "starting from scratch" that's just what you owe your boyfriend as well as yourself, a fresh beginning.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): Dear, there simply is no amicable way to break up with your current bf. Start canceling your holiday plans and just make it a clean, fast break and do it as soon as you can. You are hedging because of your guilt. Well hun, this is what happens when one person in a couple, find other people to date. The sooner you break up with him, the sooner he can heal his heart and move on. Don't expect to be "friends" because it's likely you won't be. In any type of relationship break up there is always one wounded person and one guilty person. Respect his feelings and do this as honestly and as quickly as possible. So sorry I can't advise you much more than this-this is just the way life is. Perhaps someone else reading your posting here, has a better suggestion...let's hope so. Good luck
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