A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help, i've got myself into a right mess!I'm about 6 months into a relationship with this wonderful woman but my feelings have suddenly changed. When we first started dating it was great, we had fun I loved being around her and i thought this would last. I was so happy to finally have met someone after years of having brief flings or nobody. We even arranged to go away and we go on Tues.However recently these doubts crept into my mind and they snowballed to the point that I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and i burst into tears when i saw her. I buy her flowers and leave her notes telling her i love her, but more often than not when she tells me she loves me i feel very little and end up saying it even if i dont mean it (which is how i first said it - she told me she loved me and i didnt know what to say so i said it back...does that make me horrible???) I guess i thought if i said it enough then one day i would mean it.I've even met her sister and she's met my family and now feel like i'm trapped. I want this to work more than anything but it shouldn't be this hard should it? She loves me so so much but i'm just not there even though i want to be. I dont get that skip of a heartbeat when i see her like i think i should and i keep thinking i'll get there eventually, and this is what everyone goes through aftyer 6 months.I want this to work more than anything but i'm just feeling so down about it all at the moment. What should i do. Do i talk to her, do i end it? And has anyone had any similar experiences? Help!
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female
reader, Hilmiku  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 I know you want this to work, believe me- I know. It might be time to call it quits. It might not be. However, if you're in agony over this - that should be a sign. Sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling. If you don't have the same feelings she has for you - it's not fair to either of you to continue on. My best advice is to give it time, cool things off a bit, stop saying things you don't mean (including "I love you") - no matter how hard it is. You feel trapped because you've escalated on a relationship that should have ended long before you met the parents/siblings. She has stronger feelings for you than you have for her. It's OK if it's over - you WILL find someone else but you'll miss that opportunity if you stay with someone you're not in-love with. Just remember that it's OK if it's over. It's going to hurt for both of you but it will be OK.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
First of all can I just ask how much time you spend together? If you spend every single moment with her then it could just be that you think you are losing yourself.
Why not go on a lads holiday with your friends or go and visit someone you know who lives far far away.
To be honest though, if you have never felt like you loved her and you've just said it out of embarrassment then I think you are in serious trouble. How could you have let it go on this long?
Talk to her and tell her that your think everything has moved too fast and it is freaking you out. The I'm afraid you are going to have to tell her that you just don't think you can see spending the rest of your life with her and you don't want to stay in this relationship only to let her down when she is expecting more.
Tell her you love her but you are not In Love with her. DON'T tell her you've lied all along as there is no need to break her heart any more than you are going to already. Tell her you've been trying to hide the "change" in your feelings for a few weeks but can't deny it any more.
After that you just need to remove yourself from her life, but tell her you will be there for her as a friend is she needs to talk to you.
She's going to be incredibly hurt and confused and will want to call you up after the break up to find some kind of closure. You are going to have to let her do this and see how much you have hurt her and just keep calm and keep apologising and try to explain to her in the least hurtful way. It's the least she deserves.
NEVER let this happen again. Do not go out with someone to the point where they fall in love with you if you do not fall in love with them.
Good Luck!! xx
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