A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm bisexual and some time ago I was seeing a woman during a rough point in my life. I was going through a divorce and simultaneously trying to detach from an emotional affair I was having with my male boss. The woman I was seeing had no idea I was still married nor did she know I was having an emotional affair with my male boss. I really did have a strong attraction for the woman and she had an equally strong attraction for me. Well actually I would say she had a stronger attraction for me and had fallen in love with me. I don't know why but once she told me that she was in love with me I started backing away from her, losing interest in her. In hindsight I think it was because it scared me that she was wanting more of my time and attention while I was going through the other situations that I had not told her about. In the end, I ended up verbally abusing her and degrading her, which I think I did as a means to get her to simply back off on her own so that I wouldn't have to be truthful with her about the other situations going on in my life. My mistreatment of her changed her. She started treating me as poorly as I was treating her. I began resenting her for treating me badly and just racked it up as her not really being the sweet genuine woman that I had believed her to be. Now, years later after finally separating my husband and detaching from the emotional affair.that I was having with my male boss, I've come to realize that the woman really wasn't out of line for becoming angry and treating me with the same and maybe even worse ill behavior with which I immorally treated her. I still think of her from time to time and often wonder if she would accept my friendship again. I feel I need to apologize to her for playing with her emotions, wasting her time, stringing her along, causing her tremendous heart break and making a mean. Should I reach out to her? Do I deserve her friendship? She really was a sweet woman until I f*cked with her emotions and heart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): Ok so say she accepts your apology and invites you back in. Odds are it won't work. She'll probaby try to do right by you but the factor of a loss of respect for you will probably provoke her to treat you like worthless pointless sh#t. I've been in her shoes. Spare her the utter annoyance of you and spare yourself the revenge pain the she'd be sure to inflict back on you. Move on. You blew your chance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): its never wrong to apologize for mistreating a person and i do think you owe her that at a minimum. however if you decide to do so dont automatically expect that she will even hear you out, accept your apology or even acknowledge it. what you did to her was cruel. how would you feel if someone did that to you? its people like you who turn sweet people into vicious cold hearted monsters. you preyed on that woman's innocence, genuienity and compassion for you. you had no right to be offended when she reacted by treating you the same way. heck you trained her to treat you like that. if i was her i would never let you back in my life. never. that you have proven that you can and will be cruel is a permanent deal breaker. no way never would i allow you one microsecond back in my life. h*ll no you dont deserve her friendship. im floored that you even have the audacity to think that you have what it takes to be a friend. gross!
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I am very sorry but no, leave old wounds be.
You have both moved on so leave it that way, don't risk hurting her again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 No, I think you should stay far far away.
It's not about what YOU deserve, but what SHE deserves. Does she deserve an apology, most definitely, but I don't think it will help her at all. It might make YOU feel better about it, but I'm not sure it will her. SO it DOES come down to YOU intentions, do you want to apologize because you GENUINELY feels you OWE it to her, or because you still feel the guilt eating at you.
IF she hasn't gotten BACK to you, she isn't ready or willing to deal with you and I would suggest you respect that and learn from your OWN actions for the future.
I have had a very close friend (no sex involved) stab me in the back and then when I dumped her as a friend she spread rumors and lies about me to other of our shared friends. It was tough and she DID apologize YEARS later, and not because she felt bad about her actions (like you she tried to justify them by putting the blame on everyone else too) and I told her she could stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
You were toxic to her and in turn it made her toxic too. With that said, she isn't totally blameless either, she could have WALKED away from the drama, she didn't.
Sorry, I think it's a little too little and little to late.
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