A
female
age
36-40,
*mpireGirl86
writes:I have had a recent falling out with a close friend. I feel it is mostly my fault because of things that had occured, and thing that I had said and done with him. Well, I met him last fall at college and at first we were just casual friends. Then when winter break came around we started talking/texting non-stop, we clicked right away and became close friends. Thing is, all of this happened soon after the end of a 4 year relationship on my end. I was barely coming to terms with everything when I met this new friend. A few months passed, and we kept getting closer and connecting very well. He was always there to talk to, was able to make me feel good about myself, and made me happy. I started to open up to him more and well...one thing lead to another and we did some 'things' over the phone for awhile. It was only a handful of times, and while it had lasted it was great. I admit, I had never done that with a friend before, it was like a rush. Shortly after though, I started to want more out of it, I started to wonder where it was all going. I knew that I cared for him, but was curious as to his feelings.He soon told me he only wanted to be friends, that he couldn't picture it going anywhere. He has never been in a relationship before, never really thought about it, so I understood his feelings. Regardless though, I ended up becoming clingy and over-attached. Found myself going to him for everything. Another few months passed and he eventually told me that he was annoyed, and felt as if he was being used by me. He said that he didn't want to talk to me awhile. Stated that we were still friends, but just not as close anymore. It stung to hear those words, but in a way I needed it. I snapped out of the spell I was under and have been much more relaxed.A few days afterwards I pulled him outside of class so we could talk alone. I gave him a sincere apology, because with that kind of situation it's best said face to face. I knew it wouldn't really change things, but I wanted to do it. The whole time he stared at me with a stone cold expression. It was unsettling to say the least. At the end I told him that when he wants to talk again, that things will be different and that I would be genuine. That I would never make him feel that way again. I'm kicking myself now for how greedy I was with him, and how I ended up giving him drama he didn't need. It's been a little over a month now and we have not talked at all. I see him in class and he will glance over at me and that's about it. I don't mind giving him space, because I do respect him but I'm worried that the friendship may be ruined. I realize now where things went wrong, and I'm becoming a better person, eliminating my bad habits. The current semester is ending soon and I just don't know what to think. Also, a couple of my guy friends who both know him, say that he has been acting differently around them. Which further confuses me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, sorry for such a long story.Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Well, you've detailed rather well what you've done wrong and you state that you realize you could've done much better. This is a massive improvement over the histrionic drama queen thing.
I notice that you begin to trail off when it comes down to actually making good on your avowal to act right.
It sounds to me like you're leaning more towards talking the talk without having to really walk the walk.
No guy with a lick of sense wants some nutty-acting fruit loop displaying such flamboyant nonsense as pulling him out of class to tell him this really, terribly life-altering important thing that is really more of the same, honey. It's embarrassing, demeaning, and downright senseless.
I think you need to walk the walk for awhile. If you earnestly mean that you'll pull it together and cease the flakiness, then just DO IT. Actions speak louder than words. Perhaps if he sees for himself that you can get it together and keep it there he'll have some genuine interest in you. Til then, I suggest you just cut the drama crap and work and keeping it real.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): I think you have learned something from the experience that you can apply next time you find yourself getting the same way about someone else.
As far as this guy is concerned, I think you should just leave him alone and try to move on. If he wants to contact you at all he can do.
I also sounds like you need to give yourself some space after a breakup as it's all too easy to cling to the next person who is nice to you.
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