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male
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*ontiacman
writes: Dear cupid Please try to help me.Im 41 years old my wife is also 41. We have been together 21 years.I was her first.Her sex drive is dead. All you here about is men with problems what about the ladies?There is like no stress in our lives.She has really always been dead in bed although once a month she will have a good orgasm.I always try to keep it interesting toys porn or nylons.She isnt interested although porn seems to get her wet even though she says she dont want to watch.I really try to keep my attension on her.I go to the pc for fun.She is very atractive and im horny all the time she will let me masturbate to her when i want but she just isnt really into sex a whole lot.I would give any thing in this world to get her sex drive up.She is dead never gets horny.WHY? hormone shots maybe?Life is pasing her by and she is missing out Im just damm tied of it.Its not me im kind sexy nice i show lots of tenderness love all that other crap ladies might lean to as an excuss.I married a dead ladie.Are there drugs for women like men? please help plezzzzzzzzzz some thing.
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drugs, horny, orgasm, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): It amazes me that men think they can use porn and their women will still want to have sex with them , YUCK.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Why the hell would she want you when you watch porn?? NO woman wants a man who gets horny looking at other women.......Its called respect mate ...try it someday
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A
female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
well let me tell you talk to her and tell her you are never happy with your sex life then try to get her to do a little forplay like dress up like a naughty nurse frenchmaid and tell her to dress up in corsets if she doesnt get with it file for a divorce because no matter how much you try to avoid sex you must know you will never be happy ok!
--------smooches
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): I have to agree with alot of what Dr. Psych had to say.
Have you thought to get marriage counselling? It may not seem like it is needed as of now but for most women sex is a part of trusting in the other.
If this is your attitude towards your wife's sexual disintrest...saying such things to her can be seen as abusive.
The fact that you are angry and come across as petulant denotes that you may in fact not be handling this maturely and respectfully.
That you can use the word crap shows what you think of your wife; you think this may be why she isn't as interested in you sexually?
I think in this case, your reliance on porn to solve your sexual needs and the expectations that they do the same for you wife; that watching porn together would solve your intamacies issues was lacking in wisdom.
Get some counselling and lay off the porn.
Rediscover your wife. Love her. Respect her. Show her that you love her by doing nice things for her. Date her, woo her.
Sex doesn't mean you love her. I think she picks up on this.
Get some marriage counselling.
Best of wishes.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 You say 'she has really always been dead in bed'...I think sex is about two people don't you? If you are not lighting up her fires then you have to take some responsibility for what is going on in your bedroom, and make her feel like a tiger - maybe she doesn't like her body or thinks you are always disappointed by her sexual performance. You say you try to spice it up with toys, nylons and porn...maybe these are things that make you sexually excited with your male brain...perhaps you have forgotten to ask her what her needs are. I am open-minded and accept that some couples enjoy porn but it shouldn't serve as a script to your own bedroom activities. It is great that you still find her attractive and desirable - you now have to make her rekindle her interest in you by doing things she likes. This maybe nothing to do with sex - maybe she never liked sex and never will. Romance her, take her to dinner, buy her flowers, go on holiday...get back to basics so she falls in love with you again, rather than thinks of you as her horny husband hassling her for sex. Also appreciate that some women go on the menopause early and she maybe feeling not very sexy at the moment. Put your porn collection back in the box, get off the computer porn sites and chat rooms and stop thinking that she must have sex often like the 'ladies in the movies'...they are just acting after all, and you have a nice wife! If your wife is getting her sexual kicks from watching porn then it is hardly surprising she forgets about you, and vice-versa, and her brain will be trained to get sexual satisfaction from the movies and not your body. I think it is alright to liven things up in the bedroom but it can also get in the way of your sex life if there is too much of it.
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