A
male
age
36-40,
*d22
writes:Recently i broke up with my girlfriend. We had been together for a long time and questions of marriage and where exactly our relationship was headed. I had never been very good with emotions so like always i freaked out and broke up with her, and visited a friend in California. I more or less ran away and left her. I was only gone a week and at first thought my desicion was the right desicion. but after being away and going over my feelings, now all i realize is how much i love her and would not want to be with anybody but her. But now she has totally let go of me it seems. She is so angry. She moved out of her parents house with a girlfriend of hers. Now my ex is going out every night, will not talk to me, and has made it clear she doesnt want to be with me. I have made a fool of myself crying to her, telling her how sorry i am and how i love her, but she will not hear it. I need some advice how i can get her back. I am afraid she is dating and will never come back. So how do i get her to want me back again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): You have told her how you regret disappearing for a week after a conversation about the future of your relationship, and she is not ready to forgive or forget. My advice is to back off completely and let her miss you, gather her thoughts and let her contact you. I would not ask her any questions about her dating other men, your idea is that she is jumping in and out of bed with strangers, she may do that once or twice, girls her age don't have it all quite together, and are capable of dealing with their emotional pain in immature ways, as you did by doing a disappearing act.
In my opinion, you don't sound like you know what it is you want, you are not emotionally and perhaps mentally ready for the responsibilities of marriage....and actally that is OK, don't convince yourself you should hang onto this girlfriend, if it is not the right time for you, you will only live to regret it. You may have some maturing to do, or some issues to work out, or may not be sure if she is the right one for you....listen to your gut and if you need to really let her go, then do so....Life is like that, you have to find your own path.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): If you love her you can't give up! Beg her for a second chance.... yes i said beg.... if you love her that much than your need to try really hard to get her back. As a female myself thats what we do when we try to get over heartbreaks... we hang out with friends and try and find someone new. Did you maybe consider she didn't want to talk to you becuase she is afraid of being crushed again? If you love her convience her of it. Tell us how its goes!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. You need to learn to be a man, to be able to deal with emotions, and know what you want out of relationships. She is right not to take you back. Focus on YOU. My guess is taht as soon as you get her back, you will make the same mistakes again.
I think you need to learn to deal with intense emotional experiences and date as many different people as possible. My guess is that she has already started seeing and sleeping with other guys by now, and I doubt you would be able to get her back.
How can she feel like being your lover, when all you have ever shown her is that you need her to be like a mother to you?
Walk away from her, and let the pain of losing this relationship be the reminder that you have an obligation to behave like a man that knows what he wants out of relationships, and life.
Pain is a good motivator for growing up. I think you would agree that a great girl like her deserves to be with with a man that is more ready to be in a relationship with her, than a boy that keeps dumping her and running away.
-FBK
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