A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey what's up guys,Kind of messed things up with a friend of mine. She asked me a question last night saying do guys know when girls are wearing too much makeup? And I said I think so, and she proceeded to show me a picture and said do you think she does? So I checked it over (she sends me quite a few pics asking opinions of things) and I said kind of and then a few things that were pretty mean. She then told me it was a picture of her. I obviously couldn't believe it and felt like the world's biggest asshole. I know makeup can change your appearance but I wouldn't of guessed in a million years it was her, the only way you could agree or disagree would be to see the pics obviously. I literally have no idea how to come back from this, she's a really good friend and has been there a lot for me in the past when I've needed help and I'd like to think I've done the same for her (bar being an idiot here). I had no clue what to say last night, so we've not spoken since, could anybody advise how I could make things right ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt seems to have corrected itself, I just didn't reply and she messaged me the next day and we carried on normal conversation and I didn't mention it.
I did think it was an exceptionally odd way to ask me something like that though. We've been friends for a few years so she could of just come straight out and told me that it was her.
Thanks for the advice nonetheless guys.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 November 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
There is being honest and then there is using honesty to be rude. Like there is criticism and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Always remember the difference and that fact that no matter what, there IS a human being on the other end of a conversation.
While she did set you up in a way, I think it was more of a trying to get an honest opinion versus flattery or a lie.
If you way of "criticizing" the make up used terms that are basically slurs, like "looks like a slut/whore" "looks fake" etc. I'll suggest you learn a lesson is this. Always remember the difference between criticism and "talking smack", and that fact that no matter what, there IS a human being on the other end of a conversation.
My two youngest daughters are very good at drawing/painting, but at times they feel "stuck" on something. And even If I am not seeing "great art" in everything they do - I know that being told that's a piece of crap you should start over is not at all useful, but a "maybe add shadows" or "this or that", or a "put it aside a while and then look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes" advice CAN be useful.
So BE the friend you claim to be and apologize for using harsh terms. Either she will accept it or she won't.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 November 2015):
 Maybe it's not the type of question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" Without telling you that picture was hers, you could give an honest opinion without bias. What she didn't expect was the mean comments, as honest as they could be. Maybe the lesson here is know that you can be honest without being harsh. If she was upset that's because she expected most people would say, "wow, what a stunning beauty." Even better if you could recognize her. After all she probably spent an hour trying to look nice. Instead of asking people, "don't I look beautiful". She didn't want to brag and she went the subtle, humble route. Women love it when men notice they want to look nice, but they don't want to make it too obvious. I think a dramatic make up looks nice on magazines, but in real life it's too much.
I think a true friend would move on from this. They need to accept the truth that not every one likes deep make up, and prefer natural looks. I know to make things right, you might to point out to her the times she did look nice, but I think to get past this it's better to just forget about looks and talk about something else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): I think sending flowers is over the top unless you are trying to date her. In my opinion you have nothing to feel sorry about, you didn't know it was her because she was wearing so much makeup so you were right! If you feel bad a simple 'sorry' will be suffice, don't make it a bigger problem than it is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (8 November 2015):
 I agree that she set you up here, but I disagree with you that you did anything wrong. I don't know what the mean comments were, but the term is highly subjective so unless I know what it is I'm going to assume it was simply your honest opinion.
You could offer an apology, but I wouldn't be too hasty about it. You don't want to set a precedent of assuming the blame and paying penance every time she's unhappy. Give her a few days to come around on her own.
She can be more honest and stop playing games with these questions and you can be more wary of falling into a trap.
For what it's worth I fell into a similar trap years ago. A friend sent me some pictures of a sculpture and asked for my opinion and I gave it to him. The work was ok but nothing to write home about. He neglected to mention it was HIS artwork until after I'd given my opinion. Thankfully he didn't make a fuss about it (and if he had I don't think I'd have been moved by it anyway). I've been a bit more careful ever since but I'm not going to circumnavigate landmines. If someone want an honest opinion, they have to assume the risks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): Well you were right... you couldn't even recognise it was her she was wearing so much! I'd just ignore this, it's not a serious issue and she will speak to you again.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 November 2015):
 Okay, here goes.
She set you up a little bit, by not letting you know straight up that it was a picture of her, I do wish people didn't feel the need to do that!!
However, she did it, and you fell into a hole over it, and need to find a way to try and make this better.
Are you online friends or do you see each other in real life as well? If online you find one of those animated cards and tell her you feel like the world's biggest asshole and you hope it hasn't ruined the friendship for ever.
If you know her in real life a bunch of flowers, accompanied with a note saying the same thing would be a good icebreaker.
If she accepts your apology be careful of any traps laid for the unwary in the future ........
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (8 November 2015):
I think a genuine heartfelt apology would do wonders. You can say that you shouldn't have said those mean comments, and that you are really really sorry.
About the makeup, she probably knows that she looks different, that's why she asked you how that appearance looks. You ought to be truthful, but mean comments are not necessary anyway.
Tell her how important your friendship is to you, and that you are very sorry you messed up.
Best of luck!
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