A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am experiencing deep guilt after making a stupid mistake last weekend and trying to deal with...My boyfriend and I have been in a steady and beautiful relationship and living together for about 4 months now. Yet we have been on and off since last july. To me he was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. When we broke up for the first time last summer I had a nervous breakdown, because of the shock of losing my love as well as other problems relating to drugs and alcohol, financial hardships and being in a foreign country without my family, as well as being homeless. I managed to deal with my issues and moved away to another town to stay with some good friends. Being away, I had a lot of time to think and learn to deal with my problems. In November my love contacted me and we began to speak again on the fone, and the next week I travelled back to visit him for a few days. The following week I visted again, and then went on the spending christmes and new year and so on.I went back to my home country in january and stayed for 3 weeks. I must admit that during that time, I had a one off affair with an old flame (We were both very drunk, and only for like 5 mins then fell asleep).When I came back everything was perfect between us, I had an accident and he supported me through my recovery and we bonded and everything was amazing between us. I thought we were strong and could survive anything together BUT...Last weekend it was my birthday weekend, I we went out to party. My BF got so drunk that he fell asleep on the couch. I let him sleep whist I went into the toilet with another guy i didnt know, we took some drugs and before i knew it we were kissing then I took down my top and pants, the next moment we were having sex (for less than 5 mins). I only wanted to take the drugs he offered me and was hopeful he would offer me more. We continued to take some more, and then as everyone had left the party, we continued to have sex but this time (i am so ashamed) in the same room as my BF as he was in a drunken sleep. i remember saying, "this is sooo bad, this is sooo wrong, omg"I started to realise what i was actaully doing and where i was, after about another 5 mins. We stopped, i woke up my BF and we left the house.Since that happened on sunday morning its been on my conscience and I feel so bad. i know what i did was wrong, its like I was exploring some weird sexual fantasy, but it was wrong. I love this man I am with, I see a future with him, we live together. I never want to lose control like that again, I can barely live with this guilt. I'm intensly afraid of losing him, he is my rock, and I do everything for him. I am a caring and loving person yet sometimes I dont understand why I can fall so far to commit these crimes?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): darling you will not like this answer but here goes: you not only have a drug problem, you have a sex problem as well. not only will you f*ck anyone for a joint, you care NOTHING for your boyfriend. you cannot even spell love and faithfulness. i think you need to take a critical look at your life.you have no respect for yourself let alone your bf. you are in the process of prostituting yourself just to get high. you are not as young as you claim. you have justified your actions in your sick head and you have no concept of right and wrong. youth and inexperience are not your problems. it is your moral belief system that you are devoid of. yes you are human but when we use our humaity to justify our wrongdoings then what are we? excuses, excuses, excuses. i am hoping that this bf of yours get to see the real fake you and moves on from you once and for all. you see, i believe he deserves better. from what you have said, your actions reveal that you are very very troubled. i implore you to seek professional help since you are heading for disaster. if you believe your life is worth saving then by all means get that help from a professional. it is not too late to change your ways and not too late to become a better person. you say that you are a good person and that you have a conscious, well then put yourself to the test: release your boyfriend. let him to find someone who will love, honour and respect him. shoe that you are not selfish. and then you will know whther you are all that you claim to be. good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to answer my questions.
Domo Kun - I dont think you really know me, so your judging a little too harshly. I dont have a drug problem, just when I take drugs, I have the tendency to want more, and will do almost anything to get it because of my state of mind at the time.
For this reason I can see that myself using any type of hard drug ie cocaine of which I had problems with in the past is not advisable for me if I want a rich and fullfilling life without stupid mistakes.
Please bear in mind I am very young, and somewhat immature when it come to relationships. I'm learning everyday and thinking about it my relationship is a learning experience.
I wont tell him because why should I inflict my guilt onto him? He does not deserve to feel pain because of me. This is my burden and I will carry it for our love. This is not important for him, but for me in my quest for self discovery. Making mistakes is human, and loving is human, confusion is human. Being human I accept myself and sometimes i make misakes, but I learn from them, and feel extreme guilt, which means that I am a good person with a huge consciounce.
Thanks to all who posted answers!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): You say you love this man dearly but you were willing to cheat on him in order to get more drugs.
I'm afraid cheating on your boyfriend is not the biggest problem you are dealing with at the moment. It is drug abuse.
Please, please, please stop doing this to yourself.
As for what you are asking, I think that if you are deeply and truly sorry about what happened, and positive that it will never happen again, he doesn't have to know.
Good luck, and take care of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Tell the truth, honestly, even if the worst case scenario happens - he breaks up with you, the pain of losing him will one day go away. Guilt is not so easy to get rid of! Explain to him what happened then give him some time to think about it. Also, ask yourself, are you really in love with this guy or are you just afraid of losing him now? Sometimes, when we don't have any control in a situation it tricks us into thinking we want things that we don't really want. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, mother_of_2  +, writes (15 March 2010):
well really u should tell him that the guy offered u drugs and u took them and u thought he was gonna give u more but instead HE started kissing on u and that u made a horrible mistake and u will never EVER do it again and u really love him and wanna be with him
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