A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is something weird about me. As far back as I can remember, I have always been sexually different from normal men. I do not think I am gay. I am not attracted to other men at all. I am attracted to women, but in a different manner from other guys. As a teenager I remember other guys being fascinated with porn, naked women, and the feminine form. I never looked at porn. I have been in three relationships with women. I enjoy having sex. I never told any of my girlfriends that it doesn't arouse me sexually when I see them naked. Sure, we are always naked when having sex. I admire my partner's body. But I don't really get turned on until I start feeling her skin against mine. Honestly I get more aroused when hearing a sexy female voice than seeing a scantily clad woman or naked woman.I do feel aroused when I am naked and my female partner is checking me out. I like walking around naked at home and I get turned on when I know she is enjoying the sight of me naked.My girlfriend broke up with me last night. She thinks I am gay. She said unlike other guys, I don't look at her as a desirable woman. She doesn't feel sexy or even feel like a woman with me.What is wrong with me? I am pretty sure I am not attracted to members of the same sex. I love women. But differently. I don't get an erection when I see a naked woman. I do get an erection when a woman sees me naked. I get an erection when we are cuddling. Yesterday we had sex while she was clothed and I was naked. She said that wasn't normal. Then she left me.Am I gay? Or will I be gay some day.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 I don't think you're gay; many people get more turned on by touch than sight. However, I can also understand not feeling your partner is attracted to you and that's upsetting. You get aroused by your partner enjoying seeing you naked, but if they didn't enjoy it and weren't fussed, you'd probably feel disappointed, at least, because most people like to be seen as attractive.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 You are not a freak at all, you are just turned on by different things than the norm. Embrace it. There are probably a lot of people out there like you, so please don't be to harsh on yourself.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 I don't think you're gay at all. Some people seem to believe that sexuality is black and white and that attraction is as well-not true! People don't speak about it often because we're so conditioned to think in terms of what is "normal" and what is not. Your source of attraction comes from FEMININE things such as a woman's sexy voice and soft skin-there's nothing wrong that. You love being admired-nothing wrong with that either. Honestly, when I see for example, Hollywood hotties (Gerard Butler is favorite lol) I can appreciate that he's very handsome but if I ever met him in person, I do believe his voice would cause a swoon worthy of a Victorian woman. And honestly, if you were gay, you would have more of an inkling during your sexually formative years. Again, sexuality is so very, very gray and has human beings we can hit all spectrums or not at all. Don't feel "strange" about who you are and what you like. But maybe, for some women, it's just difficult to understand that their bodies are not the object of attention. There's so much emphasis on our bodies that we may tend to expect the focus on the parts of us men seem to obsess over. In the future you can say things to a lady like: "You're gorgeous and your voice is ONE of the biggest turn-ons about you for me." That way, they can still feel sexy and at the same time be very aware of what you like most. I wasn't crazy about a boyfriend's cologne once so when he changed it, I kept complimenting the new scent and letting him know that I loved it. Eventually, he only wore the one I liked. So, when talking about these things, just use tact and focus on the positives that do attract you. Seems to me you're just fine and as to your ex-her loss for being narrow-minded. I don't think I'd care if my boyfriend preferred my left eye's third eyelash to my butt or whatever-whatever works for him is cool. Find yourself a wonderful lady who appreciates you as you are. All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): There is nothing wrong with you. Unusual maybe, but nothing pathological. This woman may have felt insecure or doubted her own sexual powers, by a lack of validation on your part. Women love to be desired by their men, and this includes an appreciation of her body as a sexual being. If you aren't turned on, it's likely she felt a hit in her self-esteem.
People get turned on by different things; I love a good voice myself! A well-modulated sexy, manly voice, will get my attention before looks may.I'm also only sexually interested in a man I'm emotionally into i.e. someone that I've connected to in other ways before I find them hot as hell.
Enjoy your life and find a woman who will appreciate you for yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): From OP:
I didn't ask her to put on her clothes. It happened to be cold that night so I did not want her to fall sick. However she had been with many men, very experienced sexually. Over the years I have learned to fake the look of lust whenever I see my partner disrobe. But she happened to be good at spotting a pretender like myself.
I have been in three failed relationships because I am a freak. I have been to several doctors they all say I am normal. I cannot even masturbate by looking at porn whenever I am between relationships. I envy ordinary men who so effortlessly wank at their favorite actresses nude scenes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): From OP:
No do not get an erection when looking at naked men. Not even attractive ones. I am quite sure of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): It's just your sexual bundle is a bit different. You seem to like some stuff, just discuss with partners what you like, how attractive their voices see, how amazing they feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): My question to you is, do other naked men give you an erection? Have you ever been aroused by another man, and suppressed the feelings? These questions are what you ask yourself, actually. What happens when you look at a very attractive naked man? If nothing, you're not gay; and won't be in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): Unless you've made a big announcement, how does she know she didn't cause your erection? Perhaps you shouldn't share such details to a lover.
I think your girlfriend had it in her mind to leave you, and it was the last straw.
You may be a little narcissistic, my friend. Wanting admiration of your physique, but giving none back?
If you don't get an erection looking at naked women, that doesn't make you gay. It is odd, if you truly believe you are heterosexual. Perhaps it means you're inhibited and may have had years of conditioning; teaching you to suppress your visible arousal. You're shamed in the presence of women to be visibly aroused by them. Being persistently told by your mother or grandmother it's wrong, will definitely leave an impression.
You obviously have exhibitionist tendencies, but that has nothing to do with sexual-orientation. Did you have a strict religious up-bringing? Some guys just aren't that visual. Not all men like pornographic imagery of women. However; women thrive on sensitivity, and need some form of sexual-response to their physical appearance from the person they are intimate with. Otherwise; sex is mechanical; and you may as well masturbate and please yourself. She has to be in the moment, and part of it. The reason you're turned-on. Seeing you rise to the occasion does give her pleasure, has a significant impact on her self-confidence. How does she know you're not just going through the motions?
You may have odd quirks, but your girlfriend has to know she can arouse you. Your attraction to her has to be detectable; and we all crave to be sexy in the eyes of our sexual-partners. She has never encountered this kind of situation before. Naturally it would be unsettling.
Women seem to enjoy positive reinforcement about their appearance from their sex-partners, male or female. It seems to be an integral part of building her self-esteem; and makes her feel secure that she attracts you enough to make you happy, turned-on, and willing to stay. If they don't get that reassurance, the relationship is somewhat meaningless.
Even you need to know you're sexy, and you need some kind of feedback and sexual-response. Perhaps articulating the fact she doesn't have the ability as a woman to give you an erection was a bit of over-sharing.
Sometimes you can't be so self-adsorbed; and so totally into "it's just the way I am, so deal with it." That's too cut and dry. It doesn't work that way in relationships. You give back what you get. Your emotional connection is demonstrated by what she can see and feel. Not getting aroused until the act begins; means you're just getting-off, not that you're turned-on. Men confuse women enough as it is. Even if you had to fake it, you could have stroked it to full erection; and given her all the credit.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 We always hear that guys are visual so that makes you the odd one out because your attraction is audio and tactile. Also the thought that you are exposed and stared at. I am guessing she would not leave a blind guy but she would leave a guy who's sexually blind. I think she took it very personally and can't accept your sexuality. I don't think you are gay.
People are very discriminating against others who are not in the majority when it comes to sexual attraction. Anything they can't understand, they call it gay. This is unjust. She also does not have a lot of trust in you. Your last three relationships got you questioning your sexuality but my belief is you'll know you are gay if you really are.
My suggestion with your next girlfriend is that you adjust what you do a little bit. I understand that what you did before was based on what turns you on, such as walking around naked but that did not work well at all. Focus more on what she would like. If she likes doing dress up in lingerie then comment on how beautiful it is. No one is expecting you to get a raging hard on, but at least her effort in looking nice should result in you desiring her, and wanting sex. Instead of looking away, or just saying, this doesn't work, this doesn't turn me on.
Why did she have to put her clothes on? Was that because she felt undesirable? Or was that your idea?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): You are male, you have a penis, you don't sexually like men, you sexually like women. She suggested you like men (are gay) because she's ignorant. She also got her ego knocked down a few pegs when you didn't get hard looking at her. There could be lots of reasons why you never liked porn: maybe you had it pounded into your head it was wrong for so long you can't enjoy it, maybe you're attracted to the WHOLE woman and not just her body. You get turned on by sex, and physical contact. That's good! What was she complaining about? You can't sexually objectify women!
I guess you get turned on at her checking you out bc it's not just HER BODY but ALL of her. Maybe you're just a man with a conscience and a heart.
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