A
female
age
41-50,
*ells80
writes:This is my first post. I am in a dilema. I love two men... James and Will (not real names). Dated James for two years when I moved offices and met Will. Me and James were fine until I met Will, me and Will clicked and sparked and everything that should happen. He had 3 kids from a past relationship (I have non, there isn't much of an age diff) and he always said he didn't want any. I ended it with James so I could be with Will. Then me and Wil were on/off so many times. We ended up sharing a flat together and we still loved each other but I go back with James. James is the sort of guy that is great on paper: handsome, tall, kind, considerate, caring etc. Will isn't great in the looks and has had a bit of a past but he makes me laugh and I could spend all my time with him. Except he has a temper (never violent, I wouldn't stick around if he was) and he is jealous. He also brings up the past a lot nd i believe that in order to have a future, the past shouldn't be present. Me and James broke up again and on/off, same with me and Will. Will knew about James but now I am back with James and not with Will but he is so addictive and I can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. the only way for me and James to work and have a future is to never see Will again - and vice versa. But how can I let go of James who I hav known for 4 years and of Will of 2 years. I am selfish, I accept that. Another hiccup is that it wasn't that bad when Will didn't want more kids but he does - he says he he has seen me with his kids and he wants me to have one with him and marry him. James wants kids but is dead agaisnt marriage - shame that I am pro-marriage. Maybe I am punishing James because he wont marry me and punishing Will for saying he didn't want kids and now he does. Either way, it's no fun. James is 28 (same as me) and still lives at home and hasn't had to contribute to his free lifestyle ever and now he wants to live with me (I rent a place alone, moved out of Will's place about 3 months a go). I resent that James has had it so easy and I have struggled and I have had to wait for him to be ready. Will wants me to move back with him and 50% of me wants to as I loved loved loved living with him - but I'll have to break James' heart if I move back there. Or do I break Will's heart? Or so I be alone... but I can't be, it's either one of them: I love them equally - Will is a core shaking love with passion and sentance finishing. James is stable and secure love but no marriage. Sorry this is a long thread....
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broke up, jealous, lives at home, love two, moved out, spark, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Leo the Capricorn  +, writes (7 July 2008):
you don't need either, the only real heart that is broken is your own. you need to put it back together before you start seeing anyone else..take a deep breath and exhale..it only takes a minute and may last you a life time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): your own if your not carefull?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): what this means is that you aren't satisfied with either of these guys. Neither one is fulfilling you completely.
If they are as anxious as you to end this love triangle, some concessions will have to be made. James will have to learn to laugh and talk with you, and commit to you... or Will will have to commit to having kids with you and to try to stop obsessing about your past. On your part, once one of them has made the requisite changes, you must completely cut off all contact with the other, to be fair to all.
Make your needs known, issue some ultimatums, and do this soon so you stop wasting everyone's time.
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A
male
reader, theotherguy85 +, writes (1 July 2008):
man i dont feel so bad for you.heres the thing ...im in an internet relationship with a woman that i think might be married or somthin like that cause she keeps tellin me shes comin to visit n there allways a excuse.for like the past 5 months ive heard an excuse every other week as to why shes not here.when i ask for her address so i can visit her she gives me the run round n tells me she'll e mail me it in the morning witch never f'ing happens.im thinking shes just using me for the romance shes not getting from her partner... if there is one.see we live in differnt states so i never see her so i dont know whats goin on..it sucks to be worried bout the one you love not being faithfull, like thinkin of her kissing or haveing sex with another person is unbareable n just makes me sick. like literally vomiting n crying like a little bitch. i tell myself to run far far away but i cant bring myself to do it. i can leave her cause of my supicions n feel like shit or i can stay with her n feel like shit.im kinda f#cked coming n going partner. sorry ..yeah im sorry.. bout your luck , how can you do that n look yourself in the mirror in the morning.its women like you that make me supicious in the first place,ive been burnt so many times by women like you.i never seem to learn tho. but hey really you need to pick the one you have fun with the one you love.not the one that seems like he can do more for you.if i seem a little irratated with you its cause i am.grow up n do whats right n not hurt the other guy no longer. eventulay he'll think you for not wasteing no more of his life.its hard for everybody involved but its whats gota happen!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): A human connot romantically love two people equally. You must love one more than the other. Listen to your heart and chose one, and like the other aunt said, you have to be "cruel to be kind". Choose quickly before its too late and lose both. You HAVE to break one guy's heart; you're wasting his time
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A
female
reader, charleyalex +, writes (30 June 2008):
in your heart who makes u happy who can you see your self having a future with and go with your heart but dont lead 2 men on it will only hurt u and those men it isnt fair it is also 2 be cruel 2 b kind and it is a fair saying for the situation u are in be careful as havin 2 men on the go as im sure they will start 2 realise soon your heart maybe with another man hope it works out for you
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