A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In my senior year of high school, I met my boyfriend James. I moved to college and we stayed together, he has always been loving and supportive and in the almost 5 years we were together, we became best friends. We had speed bumps, even have both strayed but always recovered because we were willing to do whatever we had to do repair any damage. I felt like James would love me no matter what, in a way much deeper than thinking I'm still pretty without make up on. About 4 and a half years into our relationship and 5 months into living together, he caught me flirtily texting my ex. We had not been intimate and I was just needing a little self esteem boost, which I realize was selfish and wrong. He kicked me out of our house and I moved back in with my parents. I felt so betrayed (even though I was the one "cheating") because we had always forgiven eachother, especially given that my tryst didn't go beyond texting. I thought throwing me out was too harsh and when he didn't forgive me after a month.. I moved on. I dated around, got back in touch with my self, rekindled my friendships, built a new group of friends and life seperate fromt he one I had with James. Slowly, we started talking again.. little by little. But it wasn't going fast and I was getting impatient. After almost 5 years, I wanted him to let it go, forgive me and let me back into our house so we could keep going. He moved in friends of his own and never asked me to come back, though he has never been a jerk about it, he claims he just doesn't wanna go to fast and mess it all up. But then I met Justin. He was the first person who made me forget about James. He was so different from James. They are both smart and funny and great looking.. Some things about Justin appeal to me more than James. Justin is spontaneous and uninhibited. I feel my age (22) when I'm with him. James appeals to my nuturing side though, he let me plant flowers all over our yard and he loves when I cook dinner. It's almost like the decision isn't who I wanna be with.. it's which version of myself do I like better? Justin and I go dancing, we go to the casino until it closes at 6 AM, once he walked me outside for no other reason than so we could kiss in the rain.. And James and I had that once too.. but it's long gone and it was never this intense. But I miss making dinner, I miss knowing my partner inside and out, I miss our house and our dog (which he kept).. But I don't know that I'll ever trust James again after he kicked me out. Feeling unconditional love was so amazing, I'd do anything to have it back.. I'm just not sure I want to give up on Justin before he really has had a chance. But I will lose James if I don't get rid of Justin soon. How can I dump Justin if he hasn't done anything wrong. It's not like James is kissing my butt to have me back.. but he has said over and over that he will never be able to let me go, and I can't either. How do you choose between an old and long love that hasn't died yet.. and the new relationship that essentially saved you from heartbreak?
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, flowers, kissing, moved in, my ex, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I was texting my ex because James and I had not had sex in almost 2 months.. and like I sad, I selfishly and stupidly needed a self esteem boost. Since he had cheated before too (and not via text, actually slept with someone) I thought he would forgive me. I'm not perfect, and that was the first time I had ever been the one to slip up. We obviously weren't so completely perfect for each other.. But all relationships take a little bit of work! I'm sorry you feel they'd both be better off without me.. but I guess that's why I'm seeking help.. because I don't want to hurt either one of them.
|
