A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How can I have feelings for a man that feels to me like they are on a different level - as if I love the essence, the soul and spirit of the man and I feel he loves me the same way but he keeps behaving in a way that hurts and upsets me - yet i still feel the same way for him?I am mostly so unhappy with him but I know the feeling I have will always be in my heart no matter what happens in the future. I keep thinking I am so unhappy so I should do the right thing myself and move away from this relationship but it is as if I cannot live without him - there will be no life - no feeling of excitement without him. He keeps saying he will be different and that he knows all I say and criticise him for is true. He says half the time he worries he is not the right man for me but yet he also says we have no choice in being together. He is a larger than life character who has such great enthusiasm - this is what I love the most about him - his energy and spirit. He has a very tender deeply passionate loving side to him that shows when we are alone. But with the passion goes a bad temper - he stuggles to eat enough and drinks too much and this leads to huge mood swings and a lack of judgement - when he is stable he admits all the mistakes and keeps trying to improve but keeps making the same mistakes and making life unhappy for me and him..At the same time I feel he takes me for granted. I dislike his temper so much that I dont make it clear when he has upset me all the time - I have to wait till the right time to discuss things - but he knows what he does. How should I deal with this dilema? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Thankyou so much for the time and effort you take to write such thoughtful and helpful replies
A
female
reader, Girly123 +, writes (19 June 2009):
When it comes to relationships, it is tough to see past the love that you have for the other person. You love them for them but they keep doing things to hurt you enough that you've thought of leaving.
You think -- my life could be so much better than this-- But you are still not convinced because sometimes, that person that you've grown used to, shows some acknowledgement of your hurt feelings and makes up for it with a joke or a few things to say to you that make your heart skip a few beats because it's so out of the ordinary.
Let me tell you that this is no way to live your life happy. You shouldnt rely on someone else to make you happy. It is never healthy for anyone to have that power over you because he is the one person that makes your smile shine and you tears flow.
You have to look at the first bit you wrote "I am mostly so unhappy with him but I know the feeling I have will always be in my heart no matter what happens in the future."
It is right, and normal to feel like once you've loved someone, it is impossible to jsut walk away. You have spent so much time developing a relatinoship with him and also the faults he has that you may think that all that time will be a waste if you jsut leave now.
If you do choose to leave, here is how a lot of it plays out. The first bit is the hardest to get through.
1. You will miss him so much. You will miss his smile, his touch, and his company most of all. You will say, -why did i give that up when his temper wasn't even that big of a deal at the end of the day. (You know that it really is a big deal)
2. You will start to think a little more logically and say, how could i have stayed so long, he was such an ass to me, and you will start to resent him.
3. You will start to think less abou him and start to move on with your life. You'll realize it was a lesson learned and that you don't want to find yourself in that situation anymore.
** You will realize, maybe we can be friends. I wil always love him, but he wasn't the right person for me. And in knowing that, you have both learned and made eachother's lives a little better.
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