A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I finally completely cut off all contact with my ex in April and the whole thing ended very, very badly to the point where I hated him.About a week ago I went out for a friend's birthday and I met this really sweet guy from Montreal who was in Toronto for the weekend. We went on a date the next day and it was fun and romantic and we ended up sleeping together. Still, I figured it wasn't going to really go anywhere because he was going back to Montreal the next day but we continued to text each other all week and he plans to come visit for two days this week.My issue is: He REALLY reminds me of my ex during the initial honey-moon stage of our relationship. Like my ex, he's really into me without getting to know me better and like what happened with my ex, I'm concerned that when reality does set in, he's not going to be able to deal with me. I just mean... a lot of the time guys are taken with my looks and outward charm and don't realize that there's a very complicated and damaged person underneath that is very, very difficult to deal with.I do like this guy. I'm just really concerned that the same thing will play out like it did with my ex. Do I admit to him that I'm being more guarded BECAUSE he reminds me of my ex?Do I take his similarities to my ex as a warming sign and bail now? Or... what can I do to make it work this time? Do I conceal my issues so he never has to find out? Do I tell him and try to scare him away?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): Actually the situation reminds you of your ex, not the man. As you said both were dazzled by your appearance and expressed strong feelings before knowing you. The solution lys with you - you control the pace of the relationship. Don't get physical until you get to know the guy and he knows you. If you think about it all of the men you will met will remind you of your ex because there will be a strong physical/ visual attraction. Just slow things way down and in time you will see each other in different situations and be able to judge if you want to go forward or not.With the current guy, I don't think you need to tell him that he reminds you of your ex. You can tell him the situation reminds you of the last relationship and therefore you want to slow things down and stop having sex till you both know each other. For all future relationships hold off on having sex too soon.
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