A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my wife for 8 years and married for a year and a half. I was really stupid to let the wedding go ahead as i could see this coming in the distance. Just didn't have the balls to stop it.My wife is a lovely person, I do love her. I'm just not in love with her. We have no real common interests, we even took time off work last year at different times. This may sound selfish, but i'm scared that i will spend the rest of my life feeling this way if I don't get out soon.We have (she has) discussed having a baby in the near future (my wife has a 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage). I want kids, yes, but not in a relationship like this.I lived with another woman for a few years before meeting my current wife (that was over before we met). I have never lived by myself, for myself (this sounds very selfish I know)I have recently become friendly with a younger neighour. Nothing has happened, we are just good friends. we go for a coffee and have a good chat every now and then. She likes me, i know that (she has said) but nothing can happen with her (it may never happen). She actually thinks i should try and stay with my wife as the 2 families are good friends.But I can't have a baby with my wife - it wouldn't be fair on her, me or the baby. Just thought someone, somewhere would have some advice.....
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female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I have been married twice, the first time when I was quite young. My husband did not really want to be with me he was much more interested in going out with his friends and having a good time. He wanted the marriage thing as he liked telling his pals he was married but he made no effort to make the marriage work. All I wanted to stay at home in the evenings and watch TV. Inevitably we drifted apart. I became pregnant and he didn't want me to have a baby so i had an abortion. Shortly after this he told me he wanted a divorce. I knew that whatever I would have said with regard to working at our relationship or going to Relate or whatever, the relationship was dead. He loved me as a friend or sister but nothing more. At the time I was enormously pis~~d off but I did get over it. He helped me move and after he moved me in I never saw him again. When I look back on this I am grateful that he dedided to end our marriage when he did because there was on his side absolutely nothing there for me. For me the abortion finished me off as he was so cold and so clear about not wanting a child.
I have gone on about my experience because I think once the 'in love' part of the relationship has died there is very little left and I think you should split from her before you have a child. It is fairer on her in the long term and if she is of similar age to you she will be very keen to start a family asap. Cut your losses, explain to her how you feel , expect her to be very hurt and upset but stick to your guns otherwise you are going to end up making each other very miserable and you will begin to feel extremely resentful.
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