A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I love my wife. But after turning 50 about six month's ago, I am struggling to have and to maintain an erection when with her. But other women still give me embarrassing erections even in non-intimate situations? Is that normal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2015): We get many posts from women who've been in long-term relationships and marriages with the same problems. Either he's too flirtatious with other women, he shows no interest in getting her to orgasm, he goes limp in the middle of intercourse, he indulges in porn and masturbation; or he is totally uninterested.
Desensitization from hand-friction during masturbation, and too much masturbation is often the problem. Like I said, it's mainly boredom.
The over-familiarity and predictability of being with the same partner ranks way up there on the list. Why? Because
males are wired to seek a variety of mates. It takes self-control and a lot of love to remain faithful. Cheating is so rampant and casual, it's difficult for many to see how wrong it is to do it; although you're committed. Some just don't give a sh*t.
The modern male is inundated with pornography, ads that place heavy emphasis on attractive model-type males and females, and there is a constant saturation of sexual innuendo day in and day out.
Having one female indefinitely, isn't what it used to be. The eyes (being visual creatures that we are) get too many treats that pull us away from our partners. Even for gay males, the porn industry has gone haywire; and the hookup sites offer a constant source of trashy easy sex.
Like YouWish says. Avoid masturbation for a while. Resist the thoughts going through your head about other women. You just can't admit you're tired of your wife; and want sex with another woman. Your post has already ousted the truth.
You can lie to us, but you can't lie to yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. Just a couple of selections though. First, I am not a fan of porn and even when it pops up on my computer, I stop what I was doing to get rid of it. When I say other women, I mean like fellow shoppers, fellow commuters, clients etc who just happen to be in my line of sight or seated next to me. They do not even seem to have any physical advantage in appearance over my wife. Also I am not particularly crazy about younger women. Older attractive women turn me on just as well. My problem is how automatic it is towards the others while I have to crank it for my wife. Is familiarity that much of a turn off?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. Just a couple of selections though. First, I am not a fan of porn and even when it pops up on my computer, I stop what I was doing to get rid of it. When I say other women, I mean like fellow shoppers, fellow commuters, clients etc who just happen to be in my line of sight or seated next to me. They do not even seem to have any physical advantage in appearance over my wife. Also I am not particularly crazy about younger women. Older attractive women turn me on just as well. My problem is how automatic it is towards the others while I have to crank it for my wife. Is familiarity that much of a turn off?
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A
male
reader, JeffKells  +, writes (3 September 2015):
Just don't rush... what turns you on? Nipples?
Then play with them, and let your mind get nasty... until it gets horny. Put her hand on your penis and testicles while you do this... sometimes the effect follows some effort. Do a search for this, also. Works well for harder erections: https://www.mistermanpower.net/erection-strengthening-exercise.php
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 September 2015):
 Lay off the porn!
Some guys can't have an orgasm from sexual intercourse because they've gotten desensitized to the grip of their hand, and since that's more stimulus than a vagina and less effort, many guys find they can't finish through intercourse. Laying off "the hand" for a time in 99.9% occasions fixes that and then some.
With you, you're overstimulating and desensitizing your eyes and arousal brain mechanism through porn, which blitzes your brain with barely legal naked women constantly. You've gotten used to that as your primary source of arousal, so when you see your wife, whose body you're familiar with and who you've started taking for granted as "always there", isn't as ideal as the plastic airbrushed youngsters who are young enough to be your daughter. So you've short-circuited your arousal for your wife's body.
If you cut the porn off, and stop jerking off to it, it won't be long before not only will you get seriously aroused by your wife, but you'll be rock-hard and bursting at her touch. Reboot your brain. Stop the porn overstimulation and the masturbation as much as possible, and you won't have that problem with your wife.
You're getting erections from other women because you've trained your brain to get aroused to anonymous young women. Simple as that....and since you've indulged porn, you envision random women undressed.
Retrain your brain and your penis, and your wife won't know what hit her. I guarantee that if you take this as a "you don't love your wife anymore", and go for someone new or younger, it'll be better for a time until you go back to the porn habit and desensitize yourself to the new woman, and then you'll be back where you are now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): Here's a male's perspective. You love your wife, but you're not in-love with her. You're not physically-attracted to her; because she no longer offers you the the novelty of "unfamiliarity."
All to often, men lose interest sexually in the one they're with; for the desire to have an assortment of sexual-partners.
Gay and straight men, run equally the same in this area.
Your roving-eye is a bad sign. It is a prelude to cheating.
You and your wife have some unresolved issues. There is a reason you don't get aroused by your own wife. Mainly because you don't want to be confined to a single sex-partner. She's no longer "young and toned" like she was years ago. Now you want "fresh fruit." You tried your best to make it all seem innocent. Man to man, we know what's up.
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A
female
reader, Kezzyanne  +, writes (1 September 2015):
A lot of men in the world have this problem it's not that you don't find her attractive no more it's just after a while things change and you get ust to same old same old. Maybe try something to spice it up a bit like outfits, or a nice underwear gift.
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