A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My son's father and I are estranged. He hasn't spoken to me since June, though I've kept him updated on our son. His mother keeps in touch pretty well, but I cannot get him to respond to one text. Our son will be turning one in a few weeks and I'm confused as to whether I should invite him to the party or not, seeing as how he doesn't respond. In fact, I don't even know if that's still his number anymore because he's so dead. His mom has communication with him so he's just ignoring me. I guess the smart thing to do would be to let it go and just hope he comes around, but he's the one who, in the past, made a fuss about being present in his life. It's been the same discussion for months now and I'm exhausted. I hate begging him to be in our son's life, but I think it's important for their future relationship if he's there. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): Thank you for your advice everyone. WiseOwlE I just wanted to clarify that estranged may be the wrong word. When we do communicate, it's actually very polite and I try to keep things pleasant. I try very hard to maintain a good relationship with him for our son.
I guess will just extend an invite. I think when he doesn't respond, it hurts me the most. I just don't ever want my son to feel the same rejection, but only time will tell. Until then, I'm going to do my best. My son gets plenty of love from me and my family anyway.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 September 2015):
 I think you should continue to invite him and keep him updated but not expect anything from him in terms of his actually being there.
Let his mom be a part of the baby's life... eventually he MAY come around but if not, it's his loss.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): If it doesn't come from his heart, what does it matter?
Keep the child-support checks coming, and that's all that matters for the time being. That he support his child financially, if by no other means. You can't force him to love a child, if it is a child he never planned to have; or if he doesn't want to be the father of a child with you.
If every-time he's around you it's hell; he may forfeit his responsibilities just to avoid you. Your resentment is a playing major role; because you are upset he left YOU.
The word "estranged" says a lot. It implies irreconcilable differences in most cases; and/or you don't get along.
The child is only turning one, and will not make as much of it as you will. So, invite the grandmas, other small children in the family; and make the day as special as you can. Minus the sperm donor.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 September 2015):
 Invite him, but don't have any expectations. Tell his mom too that you invited him. Invite her as well.
You can't MAKE him be a father. And it's NOT your job to "make" him want to be one. It's EASY for him to SAY he wants to be part of his son's life - another thing is actually DOING it.
I would continue with the biweekly or monthly updates, no more. IF he wants to be part of his son's life HE HAS to be the one to get off his butt and DO something - like call you can set up visitation.
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