A
male
age
51-59,
*pike
writes:I have been married almost eleven years, my first (me-38) marriage and my wife's (her-36) third marriage; although her first two were very short(both less then two years). We have a 17 year old daughter from her first marriage and together we have 3 daughters (10,7,5). There is absolutely no love in this marriage! We had some financial problems in the past, but overcame them. We both have good jobs, but still are a little tight with the budget some times. I was a workaholic with my previous job, but I have a new job and make my family and kids my priority now. My Problem is: My wife tried to divorce me a little of two years ago because she felt I did not love her, or I did not show her enough love (this was during tough financial times). I never knew this, and she said I should have. At first I fought back with an expensive lawyer and threatened to attempt to take the kids from her, but then I realized I loved her no matter what and begged her to stay. I can't think of being away from my kids, I cringe at the thought. So did I keep her for the kids or her? She stayed but has not shown me any affection since, maybe just a little, but not enough to remember. We have made love about twice a year, and I beg for it daily. I plead for her affection...I also have a strained relationship with my older stepdaughter due to the attempted divorce. She wanted my wife to go through with it, so she could have her to herself. My wife complains about my lack of a relationship with my stepdaughter. I cant win for lose. I love my wife and want her to love me back, be affectionate, kiss, make love, hug, want to be close to me, just not be tense around each other. We don't fight a lot. I don't know how to get her to come back, I think she may be staying because of the kids also. She tried marriage counseling with me but would not complete it, said it was a waste of her time and she already knew what the therapist would say. She is so distant and will not come back to our marriage, what can I do???
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): I am really impressed with the fact that you have gone for marriage counseling but a bit surprised that she stopped going coz it’s a waste of her time … to be honest if she was willing to go through a divorce because she felt you don’t love her she should’ve grabbed the council ling as a life raft, you stood up and said to her I love you lets go for counseling and fix what is broken so we can love and honor each other for the rest of our days … and she already knows what the therapist will say, I advise you keep seeing the counselor without her, this will just help you to deal better with situations, go back and tell the counselor what she said about this being a waste of time, he/she might be able to give you better insight as to why your wife will feel this way, you might love this woman but why is she playing you like this, if she is not willing to fight for you your relationship kids then what is she willing to do to get this love she claims she doesn’t feel – or is there something else to this whole story?
Ive heard so many times of people complaining that they are not being loved enough not been showed enough affection, but I believe you need to give to get you need to give unselfishly give because you love, like having sex should not be about you having an orgasm but you bringing pleasure to your wife to satisfy her and show her that you love her and visa versa, if she wants affection how much does she give, if she wants kisses on her neck how much of that does she give, she cant expect you to be all of that is she isn’t and she is not even willing to go for counseling. Please just go back to your councilor he will be able to help you with your questions and please keep us posted
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