A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. I guess I can call myself a “Nice Girl”, and if you met him, you would definitely call my guy a “Nice Guy”. We try our best to do good to each other and community, and we handle disagreements with honesty in a sane manner. We have a healthy sex life, enjoy time together, and are both people who are anxious to please. I love my nice guy, and he loves me. There is a problem however. I feel like I’m disconnecting from this perfectly healthy-seeming relationship.We see each other on the weekends, and he is my first boyfriend. I am his 4th girlfriend. We’ve been dating close to two years now. Our friends and family look at us and say we mesh well despite the 5-year age difference. He has helped me become a better person, and is understanding of my flaws. He, however, guards himself very carefully, even though I am fairly certain he has nothing to hide. I thought having healthy intimacy with someone meant that there would be some sort of disclosure of personal thoughts and feelings. Getting him to open up around me is a challenge, but with friends, he’s more of an open book. I’ve waited for him to open up to me on his own terms, but to no avail. He kisses my hands, makes me comfortable, provides, protects, and has even asked when I would be moving in with him, but he has yet to indicate his raw self or even why I am special and loved by him. So I’m flooded by uneasiness. I’m feeling like the one I love wants me NEAR, but not CLOSE to him. So I feel shut out, and thus disconnected. I look at the memories we make and honestly wonder what it “means” to him, if he even thinks that way at all. Is our time together special to him, or just a fleeting enjoyment divorced of meaning?I’m very forward with expressing myself, so what do I make of my guy who seems to limit and edit his conversation to me? Is he being a “Nice Guy”, who never wants me to see him as “flawed” so that I stay with him, or is there some other element going on? Is he convinced that relationships flow better when the woman is out of the loop with her man’s real self? Could he be so overwhelmed with mushy love emotion that his verbal skills about emotion just shut down in my presence? Your thoughts on the male mind are appreciated to this novice girlfriend.
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female
reader, zhuqiuyue  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 I have been in a relationship like that before, and what I did was just like what your boyfriend is doing exactly.
I think your boyfriend just wanna be perfect in front of you subconsciously or insubconsciously. He may be just insecure a bit and wanna deal with some of his own problems first before he could really open up to you and let you see the perfect him. And guys only want us girls to see what they want us to see. Those perfect images they have created. But like you said, you love each other, it only needed some times for him to really let you be close.
So I think you should wait a bit or just tell him how you feel right now, cause what we can do here is helping to you to analyze, but we are not him, ask him what is he thinking about these issues, like you said, be honest with each other.
If he is really a nice guy who loves you like you said, he will know what to do.
Hope my advices will help. :)
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