A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I moved into my house about 9 months ago and have been single since then. However, I have a neighbor (literally 2X my age) who's never been married but has had a "girlfriend" for 12 years. She only comes over on Sunday and they are completely opposite of each other. They pretty much are in separate rooms of his house for the majority of the day. Over the past months, we've started to spend a lot of time together and have so much in common. We enjoy the same things, have dinner several nights a week, watch t.v and sometimes just sit on the patio and talk. We truly enjoy each other's company. He is also constantly doing really nice things for me whether it's bringing dinner to me, doing things in my yard, buying me a lavish birthday gift, etc. The more time I spend with him, he has opened up to me about his past including his parent's divorce and the 2 women that really broke his heart. One of these women was during the 12 year "relationship" with his Sunday visitor. I asked him if he loved and cared about Sunday visitor or if he was in love with her. He said he really wasn't in love with her. So over time, I've come to see that she is just there to fill a void in his life and when he is with me I see that he feels alive and wants to be around me. So, after all this time together I fell in love with him. It became increasingly hard because Sunday visitor was still coming over and I felt like he was taking me for granted and leading two lives. Over the past two months, I've told him how I felt and that I wanted more with him. He told me that he couldn't be my boyfriend and that it takes him a long time to fall in love. Over and over I keep saying that he doesn't care about me and that I was just a booty call and he gets so upset when I do saying that he does. I also told him that I felt like I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend and he said that was completely absurd and had nothing to do with it. Our last huge fight was last weekend and we haven't talked since. It was a pretty hurtful fight and I've been heartbroken since then. I love him. But what do I do? Why does he treat me like a girlfriend but when it comes time to make it official he can't commit? I don't know what to do!
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booty call, divorce, fell in love, heartbroken, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Delilah12 +, writes (14 October 2010):
This man is odd, doesn't really want a commitment to anyone--or even an exclusive relationship, and he's old enough to be your father. Run from this man. He has nothing to offer you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): "its stupid advice, but love him...love him unconditionally with all your heart and never give up fighting for him"
seriously? the advice 2 comments down is the most stupid advice i've ever read.
honey, he's messing you around. He wants the best of both worlds. If he can't see how amazing you are to commit to you and only you then he's not worth it. Get out of there, find someone else. Keep friendly with him but perhaps not quite as friendly. Say hello when you pass, be polite but don't go out of your way to spend time with him. When he sees what he's losing he might come around, then again he might not. People are stupid sometimes.
Believe me though you sound like you've got good values and a good head on your shoulders. You're worth way more than some guys second best.
It'll get better with time lovey i promise. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chita22  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I wouldn't take it personal I think he has commitment issues that's prob why things r still not good w/the sunday visitor I would just move on to a different guy,cause I feel like you're just gonna keep getting hurt and y put yourself through that?maybe u just want what u can't have that's what is realy bothering u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): i wish i could tell you the right thing to do, or at least tell you something to put your mind at ease, unfortunately this is impossible. im not going to be one of those people that tell you to move, youll find someone closer to your age, or that even the pain will go away, because those would be lies. Truth is, its the hardest thing: to feel this way about someone and them not love you back. Im in this exact situation and have been stuck here for the better of 3 years. all i continue to do is love him and assure him that ill always be here for him no matter what. sometimes i have no other choice but to try and distance myself from him to make it easier on myself. it sucks and the pain is unbearable at times, but just be strong girl, things will work eventually. its stupid advice, but love him...love him unconditionally with all your heart and never give up fighting for him
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