A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How not to hate someone that raised and gave birth to you? Yup you know it I dislike my mother very much. Why? I don't know why I have so many grudges against her. I love my mom but the sound of her voice trying to tell me that she loves me irritates me to the bone? I wish I could just forgive and forget but I'm not ready for all that yet. She is bringing me down on the daily basis telling me I've done nothing with my life that I'll never achieve anything. That she has had to repair my mistakes. She goes around telling the family I've done nothing in my aunts and uncles eyes I am the black sheep the shame. When I do try to please her she finds something negative about it and rubs it in my face. I feel like I have failed as a daughter but also as a person trying to be successful. I have serious depression more like I'm bi-polar I actually blame my mother for this as well. I'm always thinking maybe she would stop her naggin if I just end it all. But no I'm not a quitter I'm not going to quit. But again my question how do I get rid of this feelings. I do love her not saying that I don't after all she is my mother. I'm scared to see any kind of help. I would feel more of a failure if I do. It's so hard to think your right or trying to do anything at all when there's someone on your back that's been telling you since you were a child that your wrong and why would you or what was going through your mind? I also wouldn't want to let her know how I feel this is something I'll hold inside of me till I die. In the meanwhile I would like to forgive her and forget her ways and her manipulative words. I am starting this thing with my boyfriend I talk to him and he gives me advice lately I haven't been as depressed and I can talk to her without glaring at her badly. So any agony aunts know of this feeling and how they got rid of it?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 April 2010):
Yes, the way to get rid of it is to get HELP... if you're bi-polar you can not self treat this condition, as it requires medication. Once you get on the right meds, your moods will become more regular. Bi-polar disorder can be a real problem ,and you have to get it under control ASAP, as it could seriously derail critical years of your life (like going to college).
Your mother may be seeing your condition and acting out in the only way she knows... which is to verbalize her fear for you as criticism- not a great response, but she may not know what else to do.
Fact it, our folks learned how to parent from their parents, who frankly were from a generation who sucked at raising kids. She's doing the best she can with a crappy set of tools.
Finally, it's great that you have a BF who can be a sounding board, but you need to work hard to solve your challenges, as he could become tired of a lot of talk and no enough action.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Your mom comes from a different generation and her mothering skills probably learned from her mom.
She come from that kind of environment and it is difficult for her to change.
You have to accept her as what she is and forgive her .When you accept her for who she is , you will find peace in your heart and will start to appreciate her good points.
Don't just focus on only her negative points.
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