A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have a vvery good male friend which ive known for 27years. since met and married my husband i have been banned from any form of contact with him.it hurts me so much and i do miss speaking to him.my husband is worried that there will be more than friendship if i was allowed to speak to him.we used to live together for 2 years but left because were better just friends yet weve always remained close. he sends me flowers and cards etc and letters which are sent to my parents house for me. i dont know how to tell him i would like to keep my friendship. i love my husband dearly but want my friend too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Sorry hun, you need to choose: either your hb or your 'friend'.
You cannot have both men in your life.
And why is your 'friend' sending goodies for you in the sly?
Is this friend an ex lover or someone who you may have wanted to have a relationship with in the past?
I agree totally with your hb. Marriage consists of 2 people, not 3.
Imagine if your hb was having an emotional affair with another woman. Wouldn't you be hurt and want him to stop any contact with her? Same now for your hb. He knows that there is a threat in his marriage and he is eliminating this threat. He must be congratulated.
Your friendship with this other man is not innocent and platonic. Undercurrants of a sexual nature, too close a friendship.
You have blatantly disrespected your marriage and hb thus far. So plse decide either your hb or your 'friend'. Better still I wish your hb can latch on to another woman. Then what is good for the goose is good for the gander and vice versa.
Don't be foolish and don't destroy your marriage.
Don't push your hb too far . If you continue this friendship you are on your way out.
Shame on your mother for accepting your gifts on your behalf from this other man. She too is colluding with you.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): I bet you wouldnt like it if it was the other way round. Flowers,cards etc. That is a bit more than friendship. You want the best of both worlds. Why did you marry your husband? Sounds like you are still in love with the flower sender? Its no suprise your husband has banned you seeing him. Does your husband even know about the flower sending? He`s a bit silly for marrying you really.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I am on the side of your husband. By you being friends with this ex-lover, you are threatening the sanctity of your marriage.
Your husband is your first priority, and if this guy was such a good friend, explaining to him that knowing him and communicating with him is putting pressure on your marriage, he would want to back down.
I have to say, sending you flowers etc., is more a sign of wanting to have an affair with you. Since you are having the stuff sent to your parents place, then you know what this man is doing is wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): I don't see why you can not continue a friendship. If it is sensitively done as to not make husband jealous or suspicious. I think it is sad if the main love in your life has to exclude other people who care for you. Of course it depends on the nature of the friendship but a strong relationship should be able to withstand this sort of friendship.
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A
male
reader, Abass Abassi  +, writes (22 February 2011):
your husband is ur first priority. if u really do love ur husband that much dearly, then why u don't respect his feelings. suppose if he did same thing with u, meeting with a friend (girl) and u doubted, telling him not meet her, and if he insisted meeting her. Would you tolerate this? i am afraid you would leave him even. friends are alot, can be found, but a true life partner can hardly be found. give ur husband priority and respect his feelings. try to learn his likes and dislikes. i am sure u expect same thing from him (to consider ur likes and dislikes) then why you r doing it urself?don't ruin ur relationship with ur own hands, but instead try to build up ur relationship and try to gain his trust.best of luckabass
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