A
female
age
36-40,
*nonymous.me
writes:I have been with my husband foralmost 6 years. Before i met my husband i was friends with his brother who i also had feelings for. I still have feelings for him and sometimes i find myself wishing that i had told him how i felt and persued a relationship with him. He is also married now and we both have children. What should i do in order to stop thinking about what might have been? I love my husband but i think i may have been happier with his brother. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 April 2011):
 For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these "it might have been."
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Take a deep breath, have a deep sigh, then move on with your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Sorry hun but this 'what if' does not exist....Why disrupt your life over a true non-existence..Things have long changed and you are both married with kids...If he had feelings for you back then and was serious he may have pursued you but if you were with his brother he knew that would be a very precarious line to cross .....And in all honesty I dont believe with the way things stand you two will ever be happy together..It would disrupt you individual families and your husbands relationship to his brother as well as your husbands extended family..So there is your answer...It never was and most likely never will....Getting with him will cause far more pain than it is worth...You are infatuated and you need to stop feeding this emotion, otherwise it will continue to consume you and you may falsely believe that it is love...Keeping yourself in this limbo of emotions that wont happen is just creating unnecessary drama,regardless of whether your brother-in-law is happy in his marriage or you in yours, it doesnt mean you will both be happy together...One thing though is that you are obviously not completely satisfied with your marriage and this is what yiu should be looking at and trying to make right...This is what is....Seek counseling and some help to find out and explore why you are feeling this way
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Actually, Jonas, you may be right, but in the USA sometimes men do not initiate. Maybe in singapore they do, or you are lead to believe all men do. However, if you are attractive at all (speaking in second person), then that would mean you would get hit on directly by dozens of men a day.
I saw four really attractive women shopping for groceries today. I approached zero.
As for the OP of this question, you are very young. It is great that you found someone that you love. That is wonderful. However, is that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, without a doubt? No, as you just said you might be happier with his brother.
Whether you actually approach his brother is up to you. However, the main thing here is that you have offical reason to end it with your husband. Find someone that will not make you feel that way. Your husband I am sure is a great and wonderful guy. However, if you have doubts about him, it means that you need to think honestly and truthfully about whether or not you want to be with him and only him.
This issue needs to be thoroughly and immediately addressed.
These issues are not meant to be swept under the rug like we are often told is supposed to happen.
This is a sign that even if you don't do anythign with his brother, you ultimately need to consider ending the marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Honey dont be deceived by your emotions..As it stands now, I doubt you willl ever be happy with your husbands brother...The tension this relationship would cause in your husbands family would be the death of it..It will not work and will cause a lot of trouble in his family..You infatuation will fade...In the meantime avoid getting too close or spending time alone with your brother-in-law and concentrate on your marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Your issue, is not whether you should be with his brother.Your issue is whether you should be with your husband. If you feel something is lacking in your relationship, you should put in all you have (stop daydreaming about his brother, and what you might get from him) give your current husband all your love, communicate to him all that you feel needs to be worked on (and ask him what he feels is missing)Try, try, try.Then if you have tried giving it your all and your marriage is not working, perhaps it is time to walk away.But there are many people in this world, and what could have 'once' been blissful with his brother will no longer be how you imagined it to be. There is too much baggage associated with that relationship and that family now.I suggest you what is right for your family and your children, and if you must find someone else, have enough dignity that it not be your husbands brother.
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