A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am married to the most amazing guy.. He is soooo reliable and gets on brilliantly with everyone I know. I know he wouldnt be the most attractive guy to every other girl but to me he's special and I find myself really attracted to him. At time's he's so depandant, its too good to be true. My only problem is in the bedroom he's below average. He's small and I've still after 10 years I've yet to orgasm. We've tried EVERYTHING including different positions to sex toys/games. I know this is not totally his fault but I find myself I cant even get myself turned on with my digits or toys... Ive recently found myself being friendly to a work mate. He's really nice but is also married. He sent me a few txt's but more recently it got a bit further than that and before I knew it, we were having a 'textual affair'... I loved every minute of it... It just got more exiting by the txt... I do feel guilt over this but on the other hand as I said, it was sooooo exciting... I wouldnt dare of doing anything further and I brought up the idea of txting naughty things to by husband but he is having none of it... Im beginning to feel so sexually frustrated... What am I to do...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (28 September 2008):
 All I can offer is that most any man can become a real dream lover in the bedroom if he is willing to apply a good degree of patience along with knowledgeable foreplay and a talented tongue in the process. It is truly a shame that you, along with so many women, endure years without experiencing sexual orgasm. Unfortunately, most men pretty much believe that all they need to do is kiss a little, stick it in and shoot a load. Most women require quite a bit more loving and warming up than that.
Let's begin with the warm up. It never hurts to begin with a nice evening doing whatever, then light a candle in the bedroom and for both partners to be freshened and all . . .
Then once the clothes drop away, and after a bunch of kissing, snuggling and hugging has occurred . . . let's move on to the nitty-gritty. In the comfort of the bedroom, along with lingering kisses, he begins to teasingly run his fingertips over the bare breasts, down the torso and (avoiding the pubic area) all the way down to around the lower thighs. It is good to spend some time just barely tickling the thighs all around with the fingertips. Occasionally move up toward the special place (vulva), but not too close yet.
The kissing goes on, around the neck, cheeks, lips, ears, chest (breasts) - all the while keeping at least one hand and fingers tracing the all the female assets except that special area. This builds tension and anticipation, which apparently few men much understand about women.
Really making love to a mature woman is an art, and lengthy to describe, but I'll add a bit more. After a good session of all the kissing, embracing, lightly tickling, suckling breast nipples, and a number of other actions including licking certain areas such as the breasts, neck, abdomen and other bodily regions (I like to wander all over), we are finally nearing that "special area."
When the time is right (and this is part of the art), the man positions down between the woman's comfortably spread legs and slowly begins to apply the tip of the tongue most everywhere and anywhere except directly to the parts of the vulva (pussy). Work near it, around it, down the inner thighs a bit (even to behind the knees) and wherever she responds with moans and writhing.
All of this is to further build anticipation, which is absolutely crucial to bringing most any woman to the ultimate sexual times of their lives.
Eventually, the man begins to apply "cunnilingus." This is the "heart" of the art. I do not have the time or energy tonight to rewrite descriptions already contained on this Web site, but anyone can find my writings by entering the word "cunnilingus" in the search field at the top of the pages. Just look for responses by DoubleM.
If you can get your husband to read the descriptions and follow the advice, I doubt that you will ever again experience the problem you described. Additional advice can be found in a book titled "She Comes First" by Dr. Ian Kerner as I recall. Trust me . . . it works and has pleased my various wives and lovers over some four decades or so.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Why blame the man? Clearly this isn't just about him.
You need to turn your investigations back on yourself to find out why YOU can't orgasm even through masturbation.
As to you being somewhat more adventurous, simply explain to your husband that you are feeling sexually frustrated, that you want to explore the Sexual Arts with him to re-ignite the spark that has been doused.
Flynn 24
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