A
male
age
36-40,
*oogoo
writes:I'm 20 yrs old, I've been with my girlfriend(19yrs old) for 3 yrs now and i love her, but over the years ive grown feelings for her cousin too(16 yrs old) i was first very atrracted to her and i thought that was wrong because she was only 13 and i was 17 at the time, but then me and my gf used to stay at her house on weekends, she started to flirt a lot i didnt know wat to make of that so i went along with it. my gf always went to bed early so me and her cousin would stay up all night talking, this one time we even cuddle, we've never done anything though. its been like 2 months now that we havent gone to her house cuz my gf got a job on weekends so i cant go by myself cuz it'd be weird, i miss her a lot,she texts me telling me that she misses me, ive grown strong feelings for her but i dont know if i should tell my gf or her, im not sure how she thinks of me ,i have an idea and its killing me that i feel like this, i dont wanna hurt my gf or her cousin or me, but a part of me just wants to get this over with and tell her how i feel about her,WAT SHOULD I DO?????
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (14 October 2008):
it's simple, leave the 16 year old alone. being a girl i no what 16 year old girls are like, they are hormonal and just see a cute guy and not much else. plus if you did go off with your girlfriend's younger cousin then you would break her heart, plus it would cause massive problems between the two girls, do you really want to cause that!? if your not into your girlfriend anymore then break up with her, but leave her cousin alone. If she carries on, you should just tell her that your not interested and she needs to find a guy her own age who does not have a girlfriend, especially one that is related to her! she obviously does not respect your girl friend, because i would never dream of hitting on one of my cousins bf's. like i said before, leave the cousin alone.
A
male
reader, Crilitho  +, writes (14 October 2008):
To me it kinda feels like you're answering the question for yourself... It reads like you want to talk to your GF about it, which of course is the openly honest thing to do.
But let's take our heads out of the clouds, because it's easy to talk about what we "should" ideally do and let's look at the reality of things:
- You could possibly be suffering from the "forbidden apple" complex; in which you may only want to be with her cousin because she is unattainable. This adds to the excitement and thrill which can be misleading.
- You're still young, like me (27), and the "thrill" of the chase is still in you. It can be difficult to settle down with a girl at so young an age. There are those who can raise their hand, jump on a soap-box and preach they are currently doing it, but for men it can be difficult to master the natural instinct to sow-your-wild-oats. This is where logical thinking comes into play
- Imagine you left your current GF and dated her cousin. What then? Will the family accept it? No. Will the cousin be allowed to visit you in your house? No, she is too young. Will you be able to visit her at her house? No, her parents will be aware of the situation and forbid it. Will you feel a huge sense of guilt every time you are together? Yes, you will be thinking of your ex-gf all the time and imagine the awkwardness of family get-togethers...
In my own experience; I once cheated on my GF with her best friend, because I thought I was in love with her. I was 18 at the time. It was the biggest mistake of my young life, all of our common friends walked away from us and then i reaslised that what I had lost was far better than what I had. "We never truly appreciate what we have until we lose it"
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