A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I (male) have been involved in an international long distance relationship with my best friend (female) for the past month and a half - she came to visit and we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend (including sex and general togetherness).She went home and we continued to talk and webcam each other. We rang each other a few times and each time we told each other that we miss each other. She has said that she loves me, and I have told her that I love her too.Now I have been missing her like crazy, yet I have been meeting new people at the same time and I have met a girl who I like and have been flirting with and spending time with. We met up one weekend after a few drinks, and ended up hooking up - just kissing, no sex. Since then we have been regularly seeing each other though there has not been any more physical intimacy.However I have been majorly flirting with the girl both face to face and also over the phone. I think the flirting will eventually lead to more intimacy, and I don't know how I will react to that. I probably won't decline the opportunity - even though I will feel guilty towards the girl in the other country.I feel guilty towards the girl in the other country who is my friend as well as something more. The guilt is compounded by the fact that she is planning to come out here in 3 months to see me.We never initially planned on being exclusive to each other in the long distance relationship, but I know she hasn't looked elsewhere and until now neither have I. She has also said that she would probably not go near me if she knew I had been sniffing around other girls.I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my friend, but I don't like being in a long distance relationship where there is no physical interaction. And even more so there is no guarantee that we will ever be able to be together as I am unsure as to whether she could leave her family to live in this country.Please lend me some advice. I don't know what to do... I love the girl in the other country to bits, but I am also attracted to the one over here who I can physically interact with, have sex with and just have fun with.The girl back in my old country is perfect, and if I wasn't over here then we would be together - however I am being tempted by the girl over here as she is also a nice girl, good fun, and available physically.I know the old addage is that men always think with their penises but is it wrong for me to think this way? I wouldn't be even contemplating it if she was over here with me right now.
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best friend, flirt, kissing, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): "you dont like being in a LDR with no phsyical attraction" you answered your own question mate. If theres no love involved, then why lead your overseas freind on? break it off before everyone gets hurt. Love is fragile, but so is freindship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Hey,
I think you really need to think about this. If you really love the girl you're with in a long distance relationship you wouldn't have thought about cheating on her. But I think the questions you really need to ask yourself is if I hook up with this local girl will it just be a hookup or something more? Will I regret breaking it off with the long distance one? Which one makes me the happiest? I don't just mean physically but mentally as well.
I think you need to be completely honest with yourself and ask yourself could you live with hurting either of em? It would be easier to end a relationship with either of them now before it progresses into something a lot more. As for the long distance one if you choose she isn't the one for you, I suggest you do that before she comes out here because she could resent you making her come out here only to be told you're dumping her.
hope I helped a lil,
take care!
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