A
male
age
36-40,
*eterk5699
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. Long time no question.Firstly, let me say I am very close to my family and I know they'd do anything for me and likewise to them. (to cut a story short: I got stranded in Donnington and had to take the bus to bristol then train to london and my mum still came and picked me up)As I was saying if I tell anything to my family i.e. I'm dating someone, I did something silly etc. I get a lecture about it and loads of questions which make me want to run. They seem to interfere with my life and try and make me live it how i want.There's some things I can't even tell my family because I worry about getting a lecture about how I shouldn't do it or why am I doing/did it(?). These things are simply something as small as not asking for help or making a small mistake in my writing. These lectures make me end up feeling really small and like people are nosing around in what's my own business yet is still public? (I know that made no sense, sorry).I live with my mum and she's said the same thing happens to her if she gets a new fella and I'm sure she feels the same about it.Sometimes these things slip out though so the lectures become inevitable.Is there a way I can tell my family "No! It's my business, I'm saying no more" without them asking why am i saying no more etc? If so, how?Sorry that was a bit long winded.Thanks for any help and I hope it makes sense. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (3 July 2008):
Peterk5699 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the help. You've said what I ws thinking of doing so in a way you've confirmed it's possible.
I think what I'll do is just say that I know how to treat the girl I'm dating and to keep her safe, do nothing and will make sure she gets home safe and on time.
When I say I make mistakes, they're nothing big just something like accidentally saying the wrong words and it sounding wrong which I did today (it was about the knobs on guitar amps so we just laughed it off). But because the word "Knob" was used I'd get the lecture because it has the "rude" meaning to it also.
I live with my mum and I told her I'm not going to tell the rest about the girl I'm dating 'cause it's none of their business and she agreed with me because it's our private life and we don't want people butting in. It's amazing what the slip of a tongue can do.
I'll take the advice of the aunts here and bring it up carefully and quietly and of course, maturely.
My age on here is correct, I recently turned 20 but these lectures have been going on since I was 16 and like I said, I end up keep what I say to yes or no.
Another example is about 2 -3 months ago one of my aunts cats died and when she told me I couldn't think of anything to say so I kept quiet. My aunt just asked me why have I got nothing to say(?) so I told a white lie and said I was thinking bout how small they were we she got them. What was I supposed to say other than that?
Sorry about the lengthyness again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Just say "I understand you are saying that because you care but I need to do things in my own way. I will make decisions for myself now."
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A
female
reader, Khandi  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 With out knowwing your family I can clearly see that they have the best interest at hear for you but sometimes people forget that there roles chenge in the lives of people were children and are now adults. some people dont know how to relate. I am 35 married with children and have an aunt who thinks that she can still speak to me like I am 15 I remind her that I am an adult just like her and she backs off. however becuse i dont live in her house and she does not take care of me it makes it easier for me to tel her that than it maybe for you if you still live at home with parents / adult relatives. in the even that snything anything at all shold happen to you it would grieve them dearly so yes they are going to lecture you becuase thay are probably afraid of you makeing the mistakes that they made or have seen othe people your age make, watch the news ther is some crazy things our there I live in Brooklyn New york and it is some what of a jungle out there. I have learned that it is not always when people are talking its when they are not talking that lets you kwo they dont care they let the chips fall where they may, maybe speaking to the acussers/ lecturers and asiking them during a time when nothing has warented a lecture may be a good time to ask them why do they lecture you the way they do. and dont speak to them all at once speak to them one on one and let them know how it makes you feel , and i am sure that they will let you know how it makes them feel when you put them in position to lecture you.maybe you need to think and re think your decisions that you make, ask youself what are the things that can go wrong in the desecision and choose form there, and if you are the type of peron that alsways makes the bad dicision than come to a decision and do the total opposite. I hope this was help ful
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A
female
reader, AllyCat  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 i don't know that i'm of much help, but that sounds just like my family. i love them to bits, but i moved out, and now i only get a lecture when my mum calls me weekly. i know that they are only trying to advise me as best they can, but it sure sounds like orders.
so what do i do....i live my life, when they're around, i nod, smile and agree (to keep the peace) then i go back to my own place 3 hours away and do my own thing.
good luck and take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I had a similar problem as you did. I love my family too and they're protective as yours (but not as overprotective) and I remember getting lectures as well or feeling restricted.
If your age is right, you can tell them you're an adult and that they need to trust you more with your actions. I did this same thing when I was 18 and they actually did hear me and said I was right. When you do this, dress yourself nicely, like an adult, and try to have an authoritive voice. Don't use harsh words and don't order them around. Just tell them what I said and add some other stuff like "I need privacy" or something.
Try to earn the courage and tell them that. I'm sure that if you chose your words wisely and look like you mean what you're saying they will probably just leave you alone.... or be less over protective at the least.
Good luck!
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