A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everybody I'm in so much pain please help.Me and my fiance of 3 and a half years broke up 5 weeks ago. We broke up because i thought i was over it. I thought that because she can be very difficult and what i think immature. She would get really jealous over things such as watching movies with sex scenes in it. I don't mean porn but just general movies. This petty jealousy tore us apart over time. She would check my phone and got really upset when she found i googled a good looking famous girls name things like this. The final blow was when she refused to come to a motor racing event out of state my mum bought for me and her for my 21st because there was going to be grid girls there, she forced me to take my brother and then got upset that i did....when it was all paid and booked. I? got back and she didn't do anything for me, not dinner not a present, nothing for my 21st birthday, although i didn't say anything i was upset.I started neglecting her, saying i would see her then not going ( as we were not living together at this point in time as her parents moved... long story)and showing her that I wasn't going to be there for her. We hadn't seen each other for about 2 weeks and i finally went up to see her and we were both hostile and un affectionate. That next day she started messaging me after i got angry at her for her phone being off for several hours, she was saying things along the lines of we are not meant to be, i don't feel the same way blah blah blah.She usually does this so i didn't take it seriously, i did however respond with this " ******** (her name) i dont love you anymore, go"That was 5 weeks ago....Her numbers changed but she still unblocks and blocks me on facebook.Is it too late to wait outside her work and profess my love to her, is it past that stage?how do i get her back. i love this girl so please help me. What can i do to get her back?
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (4 May 2013):
 Take more time off five weeks is not enough time for you to be over a person. If after that you still feel the same approach her talk to her and both of you should get some couple therapy, the relationship you both were in was very toxic and you both need to want to change for it to work. Good luck I wish you both the best together or apart.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): To be honest I don't see this relationship being a good idea. She is controlling and demanding and insecure. And you are quite emotionally unstable yourself. You swing from one extreme to another. One day being passive aggressive then going cold and saying you don't love her. Then the next day doing a complete 180 and wanting to do these over the top cliche actions thinking it means love. You might want to tone down the dramatics and try to be more emotionally stable first. But I don't see that being with someone like her is conducive to that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): Yes it is too late. If you got back together you're now starting from a much lower place than the relationship ever was. If the original relationship was bad enough to make you want to leave and be a mean nasty person yourself, the present relationship is going to be starting from that very place. You can't just erase actions and words and pretend they never happened just because you feel different in the present moment. They already had their impact.Telling your partner you do not love them anymore means either the relationship is fully done or else you're emotionally abusive and manipulative if you apparently say major hurtful things that you don't mean. Neither bodes well for the continuation of the relationship. It isn't love you're feeling now anyway (what magically changed? It wasn't her, she is still the same old jealous controlling annoying woman she always was). It is only your unease at being on your own that makes you want her back.of she comes back it will just degenerate back into how it was before. Waste of time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): How are you going to get her back after you politely told her you no longer love her. What the hell is this? If I got into a fight with my boyfriend and we were tight before I would never use the words I don't love you anymore to hurt him. He wouldn't either. So just maybe you are the immature individual in this broken relationship. There is nothing wrong with having disagreements and arguments providing that there is a resolution that works out good for both people in the relationship. I don't like fighting either does my boyfriend. But when I do fight I am normally at least fifty percent right and we come to a mutual settlement. He gets mad but never ever says anything personal to hurt me. So look back on your past relationship and take a life lesson from this ordeal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): She needs to sort out her insecurities before she's ready for a relationship. I'm not sure you can help her with that. I think she needs to do that on a counsellor. I feel for you, because breaking up with someone is aways hard, especially when you've spent so much time together and especially when there are unresolved issues and anger in the air.
But you've got to let her go and try and move on now. It wasn't a healthy relationship. See it for what it was, good and bad, and then let itgo.
Best wishes
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