A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife of 14 years asked for a divorce. She is still in love with her first love. We have 2 children ages 10 and 13. After a year and long fights she wants me back and says she made a mistake and still loves me. This has happened twice before and let me tell you she has made a specktical of herself. I am at a baseball game and she goes to where I am and honestly I think all the parents on my kids team know our business because she wont quit. My daughter who is 13 tells me that it is not going to work with her and it would be better if we divorce. I stayed with her the other times because I can truly say I loved her but I loved my children more and I don't want them subjected to all her anger and fits and crying all the time. I feel that I have lost that feeling of love for her and I can't trust her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): It sounds like you and your kids have been on a roller coaster. Go with your heart, and it is telling you you don't trust her. After a year, I'm sure you've all adjusted, why let her in again to disrupt this?
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (3 May 2008):
 Dont stay for the children's sake. You have to be happy too. You have one speical 13 year old there - listen to her and your heart x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): She obviously is very confused and upset.. but if you truly are no longer in love with her and the situation has obviously affected the children then you must stand firm - be there as a freind maybe but that all??
There is only so many times someone can hurt you and it seems like you have been through a hell of a lot?
Not many people in these situations put their children first, its great that you do, you sound like a really good dad, someone who they can talk to.
Stick to your guns, and don't be hurt again
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 May 2008):
If even your daughter is telling you it's time to split up then it probably is.
Try a separation for a while but see if you can get custody of the kids. They don't automatically have to go with your wife.
Talk to your kids and see what they feel about this. Staying together for their sake is obviously not working if your wife keeps leaving and coming back.
Put them first and work out what is best for them to grow up seeing and learning from you and your wife.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 When I see a case of divorce, I always try to look at it from the point of view of children first. Children are the weakest in a family, and quite often they don't know how to cope with the events of their lives or how to describe them.
I will focus on the children again.
Children have different levels of maturity. I bet your daughter is more mature than your boy, for the simple fact that she's older, but also because she is a girl, and it's a known fact that girls are ahead of boys. But I will assume that she's a child, too, and also that her brother sees things in pretty much the same way.
Well, she's telling you it wouldn't work. Believe her. People usually think twice before divorcing because of the damage they could cause to their children. In this case, your children have already adjusted to the idea of a divorce, and now the real trouble is this situation with your ex-wife. Going back to a household with all the drama would be bad for them.
Adults can manage their feelings much better than children (generally; sometimes children are better). So, I would get a divorce.
I will give you my reasons. The damage to the children has already been done; it could get worse, not better. And you're not a toy: nobody can tell you she wants to divorce now and then ask you to go back again. If she wants a divorce, she'd better mean it. There's no going back. At least this is what I think. I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where she could change her mind again, and ask me for a divorce a second time. I would feel like your daughter feels.
And then, you don't love her anymore. Why go back with her?
Hope this helps.
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