A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please, help me.I have been with my partner for nearly two years now i am 20 years old (turned in June) he is my first love and i truly love him with all my heart and being,i picture my life with him and we have a fantastic relationship- we're open with each other, we both are highly loyal to each other, we talk things through and we care the world about each other- we are also the best of friends. However towards the start of our relationship, i was quite naive, i didnt know what to expect from a relatiosnhip and went into this relationship with no understanding of how to be and what to do...i am also still a virgin due to my Christian beliefs and my partner has respected my wishes for which i am very very grateful of. However, in the first few months of our relationship (i was 18 when we got together)my boyfriend had plans to go on a holiday with a group of his male friends this was during our honeymoon phase....for some reason thinking i couldnt be without him and was very needy of him being with me, i asked my partner that we should have a trial week of not seeing each other and not communicating with each other (stupid i know) to see if i could do it so that i could be prepared for the week after that was tro come when he would be away...he didnt think it was a good idea but i wanted to see if i was strong enough. This was the worst mistake of my life.. during that time i was hanging round with a group of friends from university, all just friends and we were socialising as we do. However during that time, i started to develop feelings for one of my friends in that group and although i took the right actions of distancing myself as i would never ever cheat on my boyfriend (highly against all of this)when my boyfriend came back into my life, from his holiday and the two week break we had apart, the world as it felt came crashing down on me like a tonne of bricks. I couldn't stop crying, panicking and obsessing- i dropped out of University lessons and was in a state of anxiety, i felt neutral towards my boyfriend and didn't know what was happening to me...i got put on anti-depressants and was referred to a counsellor but thinking i was ok i came off them...all this happened from starting to fall for one of my friends....now a year on i dont speak to that guy, i have distanced myself and cut off my friendship from him out of loyalty to my partner...however i cannot stop obsessing about what has happened and cannot stop thinking about my friend. I truly Love my partner with all my heart and being and the thought of not being with him kills me to the core...but why do i still keep obsessing about this man?? i have had a lot to deal with on my shoulders in my short life, personal and family problems and im not living in the most stable of environments as i have had to deal with many many other problems that i would rather not go into...please help me understand why i obsess about this guy still? i still have to see him at Uni and every time i see him i feel fear and anxiety although i mistake it for butterflies- im so confused....does anyone understand this?? I do love my partner, that i am certain of.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, thank you so much for your reply, i will indeed keep you informed xxx :)
A
female
reader, Sally_A  +, writes (7 September 2011):
i guess you're being TOO LOYAL... i guess due to your Christian believes you might be having such a problem, i mean, i'm a Christian too, i'm 21 and i lost my virginity 1 year ago...Christianity puts too much pressure on a person... sex is natural..... but in your case... you wanna follow up what the bible says and all that.the bible says no sex b4 marriage, and it also says that we should not even have other than one partner... but you should understand that it's nothing..... the man you fanasize about didn't even touch you.... it's NORMAL sometimes to have those little naughty thoughts about being with someone else...you didn;t cheat, you didn't break any rule....take it easy on urself.. if u really love ur bf, than forget all that matter and STOP THINKING ABOUT IT... bcz the more you think of it..... the worse it gets... TRUST MEit's nothing.. just entertain urself... get closer to ur bf, do stuff together, spend quality time together... hope i helped... tc...... inform us on how things turn to... xoxoxo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel i could have OCD and obsessive thoughts as part of this, since this has happened i have also obsessed about many other things, have become paranoid and feel insecure. I can handle it at times and these thoughts about my ex-friend go away fine, but they they come back to haunt me- i dont desire to be with them, i would never leave what i have and who i love for this person, i just wish the thoughts would stop.
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