A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm eighteen-years-old and I've been with this guy (a guy I've wanted for about two years now - he's eighteen as well) for three months and I'm really into him. Problem is, I still have some serious feelings for my ex; and no, we don't talk or hang out or anything like that anymore, but now it's getting to a point where I'm having dreams about my ex. Dreams that include kissing and hand-holding. I really really really like my new boyfriend, but my ex is just bothering me now. Not in real-life, but my brain and heart are now being split in two. You see, my ex and I were together for a year and three months and the reason we broke up is because we just could not get along and he accused me so many times for being a liar and once, a cheater and frankly, I was just sick of that and the frequent arguments we had. I know all this sounds either horrible or just another "stupid teen love story", but I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I talk to my ex and/or my boyfriend about all this or should I just stop altogether and just be by myself for a while? I mean, lord only knows I get enough time by myself; I don't have a car, so my social life pretty much tanks. And another thing, my best friend is going through something a little similar (mostly just the feelings though, she recently broke up with her boyfriend and wants him back, but that's seriously not possible - long story). There are some things I'm leaving out, but I find them to be a little unnecessary... I just want to know what to do.
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female
reader, sarahisgreat123 +, writes (5 July 2008):
i think that sounds like the best plan. I agree with your friend, be single for awhile just see what is out there and if you still love your ex after a few months or more then pursue that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, now there's a serious twist in the story: My new guy just broke up with me today (has nothing to do with my dreams). It hurts and I did cry (and told my best friend), but now I kind of want to get back together with my ex, but at the same time, I want to be single. I think I'll be single for a while now, though; get my emotions and what not back together. My best friend told me that that's the mature and smart thing to do and I'm glad I'm finally doing something smart. *Sigh*, not too much fun, but all will be fine if I make it that way. Thanks guys!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): I think what may be happening is that your ex is your first love and being in love again with your new guy has just stirred up some old memories and regrets that things didn't go better with your ex.
What to do about the dreams? Well, seeing as though you obviously have access to the net, try and see if you can find some sites that advise on how to control your dreams so that the next time your ex appears in them you can resist his charms, shake his hand and say goodbye to him. If you can manage to do that a few times he should stop "haunting" you.
Oh yes, a bit of a tip that someone gave me a while ago that might help you too - write the ex's name down, fold it up small and put it in the back of the freezer and make a concious thought to yourself that this symbolises "freezing" the ex out of your life. Similar things involve writing his name on a small piece of wood and dropping it into running water, so that as the wood floats away you make a decision in yourself that that is your closure, your goodbye. You have set your past adrift and are ready to look to the future.
And good luck with the new guy!
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A
female
reader, sarahisgreat123 +, writes (1 July 2008):
I wouldn't break up with your boyfriend over this because you clearly really like him. I have similar problems (I have a lot of sexual dreams about a guy in my class who I really dislike as a person and I know I would never want him as a boyfriend... But I can't stop having these dreams about him) I also wouldn't tell your bf about these feeling because he will feel terrible about himself if his gf is dreaming about some other guy. Just focus on your current relationship and hopefully after some time you will forget about your ex
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