A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I guess I should start off from the beginning. When I was in high school there was this guy in my grade that I had a huge crush on. I had always kind of liked him ever since he had moved to my school in the 5th grade but obviously back then it was kind of just a little school girl crush. Back then I didn't obsess over it too much and the crush ended up fading a little though there was still something there. But then the summer right before I was about to enter my freshman year, my father passed away and for some reason the crush returned but with a lot stronger magnitude.I could never understand why this crush I had returned at that time and why I felt so strongly towards him. I often wondered if it had something to do with the fact that he had lost his mom when he was in the 6th grade. I wonder if maybe because we had both experienced similar heartaches that I felt he would understand and be supportive which is something that I needed and still need today.This intense crush lasted my entire high school career and caused a lot of heartache for me. I was always extremely shy in school and was very self conscious especially when it came to boys. I was kind of known as the "good girl" in high school which made it harder because he was one of the "bad boys" in my grade. And when I say "bad boy" I don't mean like the type that is controlling and mistreats women but just that kind of rebellious, guitar playing, skateboarding type. I was always so afraid that he would reject me because I wasn't as adventurous and care free as he was that I never could gather up the courage to ask him if he wanted to go do something sometime even though I wanted to so bad. I wanted him to be the one to break me out of my shell and bring out the adventurous side of me that I so desired to have. I hated being shy and so worrisome because of my own personal inner struggles, not because of him.As far as our social relationship, we always got along though. He was always so nice to me and when he was around me he would always do things to try and make me laugh or smile. The problem was we didn't really make everyday contact which caused people that I told about the crush to wonder why I liked him so much. My answer was always "I just do". I just loved the way that he made me feel. I can’t even begin to explain in words how I felt towards him. It was a feeling that I had never experienced before. I was never the type of girl that could just fall for anyone or had a different crush every week which was why the feeling was so special to me.Then unexpectedly during my senior year, this guy who I was friends with asked me if I wanted to go on date with him and I said yes. I knew that I needed to move on and give it a chance. I have been dating this guy ever since.We have been together for almost 2 years now and not once have I ever thought about another person until now and I feel so ashamed of it. Things were going really good between me and my current boyfriend during the first year but for the past 8 months things have been really hard. We don't get to see each other that much, maybe about once every one or two weeks, and I just feel like he doesn't want to try as hard as I do to see him and I feel like he is always making excuses why we can't see each other even if it's an understandable or valid reason. Because of this, lately I have been thinking about the guy I had a crush on in high school a lot to the point where I feel sick to my stomach and because I miss at least just seeing him. I know I need to take control of the situation because two days ago I just completely broke down and started crying and ended up throwing up because I got myself so upset.I love my boyfriend very much and would never even think about hurting him or any other person for that matter by cheating on them. That's just not me. But if I keep thinking about this person I know it's just going to keep hurting me and causing me heartache. I feel I need to find the deeper meaning of this situation in order to make it easier to deal with.Is it possible that maybe this crush was actually someone that I was in love with? That maybe I'm having such a hard time letting go because he was my very first real love?It is really hard for me to even get to the question that I'm really trying to ask. I really just need some personal feedback about your thoughts after reading this. Maybe about what you feel my big question should be to ask myself. Any additional feedback or advice that you have about the details that I have talked about would help me immensely. If you would like to know any additional information in order to help you help me just ask. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, Dawson lover +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I think that you should stay with your boyfriend and wait it out see if your relationship with him gets better amd if it doesnt and it continues to absoultley kill you i suggest trying to locate your crush try becoming friens first
Than try flirting,than maybe ask him if he is interested in being in a realationship with you. remember don't try tomove anything to fast because things can change, your current boyfriend could re-connect, your old crush could began to like you. you never know.
u will never kno if u dnt try =)
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