A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long term serious relationship, like any relationship we have our ups and downs but we've grown to love and respect one another and have become very close planning a future together. My problem is I am a bit younger, my boyfriend is settled has a great career, lots of friends and family where he lives and his own flat etc. He's secure and happy with his life. I'm still young, I have nothing holding me back and I'd love to go travelling or back to education as I don't intend to settle down just yet. But I've spoken to him about it and he said he wouldn't be able to stay with me if I ever moved away or travelled, he's not looking to make a long distance relationship work. I feel I am holding back from my full potential because I love him and put him first. But I'm unhappy living at home with my parents, having a part time shop job and seeing all my friends move away and progress with their lives I feel so stuck. Another thing is I have a much greater sex drive than my boyfriend and feel frustrated he's not as adventurous. I do not want to be with anyone else or cheat, I love him. I just don't know if loving someone is enough reason to sacrifice all the opportunities I'll only have whilst I'm young?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): Just to clarify we do want the same long term goals and we are compatible. When I've spoken to him about it he becomes defensive because he sees it as me not wanting to be with him which is simply not true, I just feel at the present time there are things I want and need to do before settling down. As the answer said before the timing is just not right i guess. He's told me he's not going to drop everything just because I want to live out some unrealistic fantasy and if I'm unhappy with my life at the moment there's changes I can make without having to travel the world. Truthfully financial and confidence wise I know I can't do everything I'd like to alone. It is a dream and although achievable eventually it's hard a hard decision about my future, not only in my relationship but for my own goals and happiness. Yes, the sex thing isn't really I big deal don't know why I added it on there really. But thank you for your kind answers I didn't know if I was just being selfish and uncompromising but your answes have been reassuring and given me a lot more to seriously think about.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): I have a story that will help you decide and it goes like this.......I met my girlfriend in mykonos at the end of a 7 week tour of Europe. She is a kiwi but was working in London at the time but the connection we had was nothing short of amazing, you know when you feel this feeling, nothing else matters and just their presence alone makes your day so much better. Anyway, we spent 4 perfect days together and when we parted it felt as though our world had just ended. We kept in contact and ended up doing long distance for over a year, me in aussie and her in London. I travelled to london 7 times to see her and we met in exotic places for holidays but as time went on our relationship had grown so strong for each other that she eventually moved to Sydney and we brought a house. That was 7yrs ago and now we are on the verge of separation because of reasons beyond our control but its the perfect memories I have of a travelling past that I hold close because without her in my life I probaly would have never seen of experienced the culture I have, if it wasn't for meeting her. What Im trying to say is, you sound like a girl who knows exactly what they want from life and your dedication and loyalty is a gift that is obviously not apprieciated by your partner. I started travelling the world when I was 30 because of a similar situation like yours but given my time again, I would in an instant be on a plane at your age to fulfill my dreams. Do what makes you happy girl and forget about the situations that make you use your qualities against yourself. You only have one chance at life and I can tell you right now that there is plenty of nice guys who would apprieciate your sensitive nature, outgoing personality and sexual appetite. A rare combination not found everywhere but to the real man, something you keep and support as much as you can. Good luck on what ever you decide, take care :):) P.S- It will be hard for you to leave and move on but as time goes on you will realize it was best for you and in turn will make you a stronger more confident woman.......
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 February 2013):
 Hi
You sound so totally different and incompatible, I don't know how you even have a relationship or what your future plans together are.
Do what YOU need to do in your life,he has his own path,his life is sorted.
IF you want to travel,start saving,get a 2nd or 3rd job,if you want education,start the ball rolling,if you want to leave home then find a cheap flatshare...start shaking up your life
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 honestly, you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't accomplish your goals of traveling, etc. and if he loves you, he should love you enough to tell you he would never want to hold you back from your goals and dreams. you'll probably also eventually grow to resent him later on, as you'll begin to associate him as reason for why you never did what you wanted to do in life.
as much as it may hurt now, you should probably cut your loses and move on. and somehow, if you get all your traveling out of your system and happen to see him later in life, maybe you two can reconnect. the timing was unfortunately just off in this situation for you two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): I was prepared to talk about sacrifice, but at your age, I'd tell you that it's more important to pursue your own goals than to wait around for a more convenient time for a boyfriend. I have to say the most alarming thing about your post is not that you might be disappointing him, but it appears you are losing the imagination to set your own vision and the will to follow through.
Please don't let that happen. Breaking up with your boyfriend wouldn't be tragic (there will be others and they will be better than him), but not taking advantage of your youth and opportunities because you're worried about some guy's feelings would be.
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