A
female
age
41-50,
*nestarq
writes:My boyfriend is 28, loving, caring and kind. The twist? he is the most unclean, un kept, does not show and has no idea of what the idea of putting laundry, food away after making something to eat; do I need to go on? I love him and I am trying, he is a great guy but what do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Sit him down and talk dirty to him, yes!, tell him exactly how he need to be - CLEAN!!! IRISH is right, you are not his mother, so don't put yourself into that position, but do point out the ways to cleaning and tidying, himself and his surroundings. If he doesn't take these on board then you may have to move on, sorry, but i met someone like that, moved in and spent most of my spare time cleaning the place up, never again. I wasn't put on this earth as someone's slave! Don't turn your life into a warzone by constantly having to get on at him about dirty, and you may have to, but walk on if he doesn't change.
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Your guy is untrained and simply didn't learn the skills needed before getting out on his own. It's likely had a Mother who did everything for him. Whatever you do, you don't want to end up behaving like a Mother. You are his gf/lover, not his Mother. Don't turn your relationship into World War III, here and don't expect overnight miracles. Just sit him down and calmly list out your wants and clear expectations. Agree what are his responsibilities and leave it at that. Also, let him know that he can ask for your advice and guidance on hygiene issues, and housekeeping skills. Let him know he's unclean and tell him how that makes you feel and please don't make the mistake of directing and correcting him when he is not asking for help. After telling him what you want..then just stop doing things for him and and respect him like a competent man. You may have to remind to clean the counter or to shower at night for the first few weeks, but after he does this for awhile, it should become a good habit. Try not tolash out and keep patient. The whole key is to co-operate together and compromise...you'll get far further with this than berating/nagging him and it's simply less wear and tear on your nerves. Be truthful, honest and communicate, but do it lovingly and with purpose
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Okay, you've tried the nice approach, now you need to get serious with him! You need to have a talk with him, a serious talk and let him know that the way he lives is really putting you off him. You love him to bits but can't go on like this. Let him know he stinks! Don't go near him or kiss him and tell him WHY!
Offer to help him clean up his home then tell him you want to see it kept that way. Let him know you know you're not his mom but at 28 he should be able to keep a clean home, especially as he only has himself to clean up after. If he argues with you about it then walk out! DON'T contact him and let him call you. If he really cares for you he will then tell him you're serious here, you can't go on with him this way. He either cleans up his act or you're finished with him!
If he cares for you and still wants to be with you then I'm sure he'll take on board what you've told him. If he doesn't then you're not as important to him as you thought.
Eve
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