A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off, I'd like to note that I have a boyfriend of my own. And have never admitted to being anything other than straight - since well I thought that's all I was.My best friend and I have been best friends for almost 2 years now. We spend lots of time together and in short, get along very well. She recently came out that she was bi. I have no problem with this but others did not react as well. She's been quite down lately to say the least. She's tried killing herself before. Yesterday I went over her house to spend the night. we were just watching movies and making friendship bracelets to begin with. Eventually we decided we should go upstairs since it was getting late. One thing led to another and suddenly we were making out and had both our shirts off. We went to bed later and called it a night. We woke up in the morning and things basically continued going even farther. In the end we both fingered each other, made out, lots of touching, and she ate me out. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't enjoy myself but I feel like it could wreck lots of my own friendships since no one knows/thinks I'm bi or even bi-curious. Some of my other best friends are very homophobic and told me they wouldn't talk to me anymore if I ended up being something other than straight. This also brings into question, what do I do about my boyfriend? Was this thing with my best friend just a one night fling or something more? Do I even need to worry about my other friends and their opinions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Thanks for all the advice so far.
I like my boyfriend. But we've only been going out for 3 weeks. He already assumes we'll be perfect. We agree on many things. He's already texting me little hearts and says all the time how much he misses me. It's a little annoying how clingy he is since I'm so used to being independent. I don't mean to sound like I don't care about him, since I do. But I'm not in love with him - especially since I'm only a teenager.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): great question you want to please your friend by being a friend and you became her lover too. Making out with her and letting her "eat me out" doesn't mean you're gay. It probably means you've been unfaithful to your boyfriend, however. I mean, how would you take it if he said he let his male friend suck him off? Honestly, if you don't have sexual feelings for your girlfriend and you still want to be sexual with your boyfriend, it means you're fine. Nobody is 100% straight. As a bi guy friend told me, "why should girls be the only ones to enjoy sucking cock?" So, assess your feelings for her and decide how you feel about it happening again. If you're looking forward to making love with her again, maybe you are bi also.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 EmilyBee: I did say that I was leading with my double-standard :)
Yes, I'd give the same advice to a guy who'd had a similar same-sex encounter. I know, I know -- it is cheating. But the OP is a teenager who hasn't made vows, hasn't made a life-time committment to the guy, and is basicially doing what you're supposed to do before you make those committments -- she's learning about herself. So personally I don't feel it's right to beat her up like I would someone who is married and steps out.
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A
female
reader, EmilyBee  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 I disagree with you C.GRANT. When a person is in a relationship and sleeps with another, its called cheating. Would you have said the experiment doesnt matter where it was the boyfriend who had a one off with another man?? There is a wide tendancy to dismiss female sexuality when it comes to these matters. I know wives who have left their husbands because they are gay or bi.
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A
female
reader, EmilyBee +, writes (8 April 2010):
Hi dear. You must be very confused about the situation. So first off, just breathe, and try talk to your best friend about whats going on between the two of you. Do you see yourself with a woman? Being in love and in a long term relationship with one? Further on, be true to your boyfriend as you have not been faithful. Whether you do realise that you are bi or gay, the friends who reject you are not worth being your friends after all.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 April 2010):
The correct answer is probably that you should be courageous, stand up to the ignorant bias of people around you, and walk proudly.
The reality is that we aren't all courageous; you don't yet know if this was a one-time fling, if you're really bi, or if you're just into your friend and not girls generally.
How you handle this depends upon your comfort zone. You have to act in a way that allows you to live with yourself. If you can't stand to be ostracized the way your friend has, well lots of us would make that same choice too.
As for your boyfriend, I'm gonna be right up front with my double standard. I don't think your same-sex experimenting is the same as cheating on him with another guy. As long as you're not sure what's up with her, I don't see that you're doing him any harm. Of course if you do decide that you want to pursue an intimate relationship with her, you owe it to him to break things off, whether or not you tell him why.
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A
female
reader, crazykay +, writes (8 April 2010):
most people are going to tell u dont listen to what people say but when i was a little younger than u i came out that i was bi and people freaked and it hurt if ur friends cant accept u for who u r then they aint ur friend i to this day have a best friend i love her to death and when i need a shoulder to cry on she is still there even thou me and her had a couple one night stands and if u love or like ur boyfriend a lot tell him the truth most guys like bi girls
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