A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with this girl for 4 years. And in love with her for 3. She has been in the same relationship since I have known her and recently got engaged. We go out together to a movie or dinner occasionally and always have a great time together and can talk for hours. I've always felt that our relationship is more than just friendship and have had opportunities to express these feeling but never did out of respect for her and her fiance. I never thought about telling her my feelings out of fear, but recent medical events in my life have made me realize life is short. And i don't want to live my life thinking what if? I have dated woman in the past and none can even compare to her. She is an amazing woman and I would do anything for her. I could go on but it would take up much time.Do I tell her how I feel? The wedding isn't for another year and a half and a friend of mine told me it's never to late and she's not married yet.I know there is a chance I may lose a good friend but I don't want to think what if! what to do? Anyone ever been in this situation? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, phillystarjoan +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I am in a very similar situation as well. I have known my best friend for over 6 years now and have been engaged for 3. I am at where I am now because of my bestfriend and I am thankful. Everyday my love for him grows deeper and deeper and we rarely talk because he respects my relationship and this hurts me to the bottom of my soul because I do not want to give up our friendship over an engagement that seems to be going no where. I am working on letting go of my current relationship to slowly rebuild my friendship with my best friend. It is hard...
A
male
reader, seanjn +, writes (5 December 2008):
watch the office... sometimes things work out the way you want.
seriously though i just did something similiar. i had a friend for 2 years and loved her for about 1 1/2 but shes was and still is in a long distance realtionship. My girlfreind broke up with me becase she caught wind of the crush a year ago but that did not quell it.
3 weeks ago i told her that i wanted more than our friendship, i didnt tell her i loved her because i thought that would be to much. still she started crying saying how important our freindship was and how her life would no be the same withou me, ultmetly though i was rejected. the next day she texted me saying she wanted to talk more, that she didnt want it to end like this. i thought it was a bad idea, but eventually gave in. So i go over there she opens the door and i kissed her, the best part was that she kissed back and it was a indiscribale, two years of bottled up love and effction, as lame as this sounds i never wanted it to end.
but it did. i told her that this was the only way i could be with her, that anything less hurt to much. but again, and somewhat more begrugenly on her part i was rejected.
I was incredibly depressed after this second rejection, still am. I am avoiding her ceaselessly despite her efforts to contact me, it kills i miss her every 30 seconds, but it has to be done me. I dont expect to feel to good or love someone else for quite a while but it will happen.
So... advice to you. TELL HER i know how it feels to live with unrequented love, it was my drug of choice. you have tell her hopw you feel in a way that is most romantic haha, despite this long and low slump i have sunk into, i know i did all i could. I have NO REGRETS which is the only thing that is allowing me to cope with this situation.
Tell her, even make a move if it seems apropreate, you will probably get rejected but there will be no unanwered questions. yovery well may lose a best freind but you always knew that it would probably end like this.
I hope she has the stregth to do what ever makes her happiest, and i hope that is a life with you
NO REGRETS!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): hey there.
I do not know you but I will tell you from the bottom of my heart I 100% believe you should tell her how you feel. i have a very similar friend and I wish that he would let me know if he has feelings for me or not. Instead, I stay with my 6 year long relationship that seems to be going nowhere. I do not feel with my boyfriend 1/10 of what I feel with my "friend" I can tell my friend anythign, and we have the best times together. I have always wished he would declare his love to me and I would leave my boyfriend in a second for him if he did. I never told my "friend" how I feel because I have the same fear you do, and I am also afraid I will scare him off and never see him again.
If I was in your position and he was getting married, I would have to make my move.
Don't wait until she is married and has a family. It will be far too late then.
If she is that good of a friend and you tell her how you feel and she does not feel the same, she will still remain friends wiht you and you can always tell her that you may have been confused bc you were scared of losing her frienship.
tell her.
its your only chance of ever getting what you really want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): i think you should tell her "life is 2 short to wake up in the mornin wit regrets so love the people who treat u rite forget bout the ones who dont and believe everything happens for a reason"i am in a similar situation and that was a quote from my good friend whom i like as more then a friend i have liked her for like 3 years so i know what your going through when i told her she said if it wasnt for her fiance she would feel the same so in my oppinion you need to tell her.good luck and best wishes
-michael
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Definitely tell her how you're feeling. I think if you don't you'll always regret it, and who wants to live with regret? The worst that can happen is that you'll lose a friendship but at least you won't live with the regret of not knowing. And the best that can happen is that she confesses her love to you aswell and the two of you have a relationship or even get married! It's worth it. Besides, I think she might already know that you're interested in her.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Keep doing the things you do with her without telling her your feelings.
Hope till the last minute and if she wants to change her mind, then she is yours.
Otherwise just cherish those times you had with her.
Don't cross the line or your relationship will change.
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A
male
reader, Kawika +, writes (6 March 2008):
 You need to tell her. Don't live with the ugliness of regrets like I have. You may never know what she is thinking or feeling. Maybe, she thinks her fiance is the only option she has because you have not spoken out. The honest truth is that I would rather feel better thinking that I made every attempt to try, rather than live with the regrets that I did nothing. I know a friend who was in the same predicament as you. His courage has led him to marry the woman of his dreams. If you think you may have problems face to face...write her a letter and send a rose with it. I hope this helps...Good Luck
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