A
female
age
30-35,
*ardTimeBreathing
writes:This is long, so please bear with me. I really need some good advice and I just can't reveal this to anyone I know.I've never thought about posting my story up and have only been reading through other people's heartaches... but it's time I let this out. It's the often occurring "I love my best friend but he has a girlfriend" deal, but I just don't know what to make of it.I have known him since elementary school and now we're about ready to graduate from high school. He's the closest person I have in my life and he always makes me feel wonderful. I've loved him as a friend for as long as I can remember, but it turned into more than just a friend. I wanted to share my life with him, and be there with him in college. I know it's silly to want to be with someone in college before going there, but I love him so much. (Ultimately I will be deciding my collge based off my education, not him!)Last Christmas he revealed to me that he loves me (he always has said it before) but more than a friend. I chickened out. As much as I loved him, as much as I was willing togive my whole heart to him, I was too scared to take that step. I was fearful that if I made the wrong decision, and the relationship didn't work out, he wouldn't be there by my side anymore. So I turned him down, and I know I hurt him a lot. We didn't talk for six months after that, but everyday I thought about him, and everyday Iwould see him and feel sad. Not until our birthdays came (his is one day before mine) did we coe together again. It was the sweetest thng possible. We both revealed that the best birthday present possible would to be there for each other again.My love for him has grown so much, and soon I decided to reveal to him how I really felt and apologize for every putting him through that pain before. But as I planned on telling him how I loved him so, he revealed to me that he has been hanging out with someone and just asked her out the day before after watching a play. (A play that I couldnt go to with him because I got sick, so he took her instead). The pain, it was unbelieveable. Ever since then I have had to watch them together, hold hands, cuddle. It just hurts so much. It's come to the point where I feel so stressed out. People ask me if I'm depressed. I can't breathe sometimes. I want to let go of him, and move on. But it's so hard.What made it worse was that one day he told me he'll never let go of this past girl he tried to be with, because he still has hope thatsomething special willcome between them. He even said he knew he loved her and still does. I asked him what about his girlfriend, but all he said was "You can think I'm full of shit, but that's how I really feel".I think that girl is me.I don't know how to explain how complicated this all is.His girlfriend: she's so fragile... She's easily manipulated, and cries easily. Her main focus in life is making people happy, even if it makes her unhappy. How can I hurt a girl so selfless like that by taking away her boyfriend? She already thinks I'm the other girl, but tries so hard to become my fiend because she knows I'm his best friend.I don't know what to do. I know I should let go and forget about him, but at the same time I don't want to.I dont want to hurt her, or him.. because I know I hurt him badly that Christmas. I caused all this pain that I feel, I caused him pain.... I need to let go, but I don't know how I can.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Wow, that is exactly dead on what I'm going through at the moment. Don't let go of the love you have for him, who knows? It may come in handy someday. Bt hey, let me tell you my story:Today, December 27,2010, my bestfriend, Jay, told me he is in love with me. We grew up togethr from diapers, and we didnt talk for a good 2 years due to the fact i quit going to church. I recently started going again, and now, he has a girlfriend. He told me he has always had the biggest crush on me, and thought he had let go until he saw me walk through the church doors. I love him dearly, and I want us to be together more than anything. But, as much as I want him to break up with his girlfriend, he won't. And it sucks, majorly.So, that's the basics of my story. I know exactly what you're going through, the pain yu feel, everything. And all i can say is keep your head up high and don't lose hope!
A
female
reader, HardTimeBreathing +, writes (2 December 2010):
HardTimeBreathing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking your time to respond. Lately I've been feeling like I can't breathe. And my chest always feels heavy. I don't think I have the heart to tell him how I feel, not when he's with her. I'm trying to move on, but he unconsciously always pulls me back by my heart without even knowing. I want to go away. But I'm only a senior in high school, I can't just run off away from home.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Hmmm I understand your predicament! I have a similar situation with a male best friend and pretty sure I've ruined all hope! This guy has loved me for years. Everyone knows it so it's common knowledge. We've known eachother for about 15 years? Anyway I've always said I just want to remain friends, so we've never hooked up, not even a kiss. Earlier this year I had some thoughts about trying it and seeing if there was a spark between us. He was seeing someone else at the time so I felt bad for dropping this huge bomb on him. I told my best friend who's also very close with him and she mentioned it to him without me knowing as she's always wanted us to be together. To everyones dismay he turned me down as he'd invested some time with this other girl and didn't want to be left with nothing if we didn't work out. This lasted a few days and he was begging me for another chance. He'd told the other girl he was no longer interested. Well if my life wasn't complicated enough I also had his best friend showing interest in me. We got on like a house on fire and I loved hanging out with him. I guess my ego was bruised from being rejected that I chose to keep hanging out with his best mate which eventually turned into us hooking up and starting a relationship. I nearly lost my great friend of 15 years as he couldn't believe I would choose someone so close to him. Anyway that lasted 6 months and I was treated pretty badly at times so I guess karma comes in to play.
Moral of the story. If you really believe that you two are meant to be do something about it before it's too late. I'm now ok with my guy and a few months ago he still said that he loved me but he has now got a new girlfriend and I just can't bring us up again. Not after the last time.
I was worried about losing him as a friend too but I think you have to give it a shot. Only if you really have true feelings and are not just jealous that he's with someone else!!! This is a very important point.
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