A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I suffer from anxiety and agoraphobia (mild now) and have done for many years. Last year I left my emotionally manipulative husband and now I am living with a very special man who is everything I have ever wanted (at last!). But I am so isolated, lonely and anxious. I live with him now, in a city and I don't know anyone. I am very proactive and do a lot to help myself (always have done) but it is very difficult, especially with anxiety. Though I love my partner very much, there are still issues. He is very routine based, and he gets up at 5.30am every morning to go to work (which he insists on doing because all he does in the morning takes time and he doesn't want to be stressed) and he commutes for an hour, but I am more tired than him ironically, even though I don't work away from home. I am a writer. I feel some resentment as he goes to work but can email people, go on ebay and amazon, chat to people, coffee, eat obviously whereas I work much harder just at home. Plus getting up so early...I am exhausted as he would disturb me if I didn't get up at the same time. He has routines and I feel he has OCPD, very different to OCD but he doesn't believe so. He was married for 28 years (to a woman with OCD!) and was devastated when his wife left. He still talks about her though it was two years ago. I am very understanding of this, I have much empathy. But I don't want to live my life like this; always in, hardly any friends (I moved to be with him and left friends behind who I can see rarely) and I have no family. Even when he comes home and does all his stuff, I feel lonely. I need more to life than only him, even though I love him to bits.I have tried in the past to join so many different groups, and tried voluntary work, but nothing has worked out. I am a very strong person and I feel I am in a situation where I need to sink or swim. When I was with my former husband, I had his kids around me all the time, now there is no one. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): You have to take little steps to get back on track, it's daunting being in a situation with little support. Set yourself small daily goals, one important small change at a time to get to where you want to be, think of the good things you have and improve on them, start finding out about your local community & become friendly with your neighbours & local shopkeepers - anything to begin in a sense to start a new life. Find your local library - always a source of information & contact. And only venture as far as makes you comfortable without beating yourself up.
I wish you all the luck in the world, you having everything to gain now, so be brave & embrace this new situation.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I think your problems are quite complex for a laymans solution. You have obviously tried other areas to improve your condition and as you have stated 'nothing has worked out'
If he has any kind of obsessive disorder, he needs professional assesment, telling him he has this probably won't help the situation.
You have both got mental health issues it seems and have both moved on very quickly from other'abusive' relationships? Perhaps a course of relationship therapy might help?
There are a lot of contradictions in your post (not critical but observant) you are happy, you are not happy, you are a strong person who helps yourself, you cannot find the right help you think you need.
It is good that you have found someone who you think is so right for you, but obviously all is not well and seeking guidance from your local mental health team might help you unravel the complexities of your situation.
I wish you very good luck xx
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