A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I need help my befriend walked out 2 weeka ago due to stress etc, only now we have started talking anyway he came over to see our kids and stayed a while like he usually does. He was complaining of neck pain so I massaged it for him with oil he then had a shower and sat on the bed the way he looked at me I knew there were still feelings and he confessed it was him not me he wanted to be on his own I said to him I don't want to be friends it's all or nothing we a and had s heart to heart then ended up having sex we both confessed there hadn't been anyone else he said it would be a mutual decision etc I don't want to be playing mind games do untold him I was out all weekend and he was texting my sis asking what time I got in etc he stayed for a bit longer snd we talked more he then left and said see you soon? He said I was a lovely person but likes the quiet life etc
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): Hi thanks for your replies I am taking note of what your saying but it was the two of us not just the one I don't regret what happened as we both wanted it I have stated to him that I can't be friends with someone I was with for six years it is all or nothing I went out at the weekend and that obviously got to him as he text my Sid asking what time I got in etc he's clearly in two minds im just going to get on with things. Into he going out having fun x
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 You say you want all or nothing, yet you give all and get a fat nothing in return. Make a decision and stick to it.
You should not have massaged his neck when he came to visit the kids. That sort of treatment is reserved for husbands or boyfriends (after they've earned it). Not men who think we're 'a lovely person but [they] just want the quiet life'.
If he wants the quiet life then that means it's over. When your ex boyfriend comes to the house to see his children, he does so as a guest. And it is inappropriate to cuddle and massage guests.
Personally, I don't think I'd want him back. He's shown you that he's as sturdy as a wet noodle. He felt stressed? HE felt stressed? Does he think birthing and raising children, running a household and trying to keep everyone safe and happy is a walk in the park for you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 How ironic... Your mouth said, "... it's all or nothing.." and then, your darned BODY cancelled all that out by providing him with s*xual release....
Until/unless you can reconcile THAT incongruity you are subject to him showing up when he wants s*x.... and NEVER having to "man up" to be the guy/partner you would like him to be....
P.S. Everything/anything he said about liking you - up to and including whilest you were having s*x - makes absolutely no difference and should be considered null and void....
Good luck...
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