A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner is for the most part a very loving kind man who says he adores me and I am his world. However he likes to drink on his nights off work (he works nights) and when he has had too much to drink sometimes he can lose his temper big time. I might say just one thing wrong and he could end up exploding. He will say some really nasty things to me which he knows will break my heart and usually the next day when he has calmed down he will say sorry and that he never meant what he said. I love this man so much and thought I could accept this as part of who he is. He has always liked a drink and I don't think he will ever give that up so I wouldn't ask him to. It's so frustrating at times as he will almost make things up that he believes have happened or have been said, and I can't even stand up for myself as when he is drunk nobody can argue with him - he is right and that's that. I just wish someone looking in from the outside could tell him what he's doing before he wrecks our relationship for good :((
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 April 2015):
 If he can't control himself when he drinks and he continues to drink I would class him as an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and his behavior will only get worse as time goes on.
YOU can't fix him at all. All you can do is take care of yourself.
If you do not live together then just do not be around him when he drinks.
If you live together get yourself a safe place to go when he drinks so you do not have to be abused by a drunk who really can't behave as an adult.
Also if you want more help to get yourself healthy and learn not to be bothered by his insanity, go to Al-anon. Al-anon will NOT tell you how to fix him. It will teach you how to take care of yourself and get yourself healthy so you will no longer wish to tolerate his alcoholic behavior.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2015):
 Do you live together?
If you do I would suggest you take a week-end off from the shared house. If he asks you why, tell him I do not like to be VERBALLY ABUSED when you drink, so I'm taken precautions and having a quiet week-end at friend/family's house.
Or NEXT time it happens USE your cell phone to record him. Then when he is "apologizing" the next day PLAY it for him. MAYBE .. he needs a dose of REALITY.
BEING abusive and then apologizing doesn't MINIMIZE the abuse. Nor does it make the apology WORTH a damned
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 He values the drink over the relationship? Then I believe him to be an alcoholic. And when that's the case it's an addiction and not a choice. Doesn't mean you hurt any less, but it might give you a new perspective on things and a way to find a solution. Im sorry I can't be more helpful, but dealing with alcoholics or abusers (verbal abuse is still abuse) it becomes very difficult for me to suggest anything other than leave him.
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