A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, My partner of 5 years found God 6 months ago and is now a born again Christian. I did post on here a while ago. It was the only thing that stopped him drinking and I'm happy about that. We have not been living together due to his previous patterns of drinking. I was so relieved when the destructiveness stopped. However, with his new lifestyle comes a whole set of new problems. We can no longer be intimate as it's a sin,(he has proposed but I'm too unsettled to say yes right now). He goes to bible study, ministry and church every Sunday. I'm not religious, I have good morals and values and am a grounded person and don't want to get involved with all of that. We have a child together. I still spend a lot of time with him but at his house he won't have mainstream TV as too much sin, he listens to Christian music and I'm bored when I'm there. He is a lovely person and I've loved him forever but I dont feel I can be myself anymore. He said the other day he loves me just the way I am and I don't need to change one bit. But on the other hand, he says he wants to mainly surround himself with other Christians as they nourish his soul and has just asked if I fancy a week camping at a Christian festival ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The other day I heard askbhis daughter (from a previous marriage) if she had thanked Jesus for curing her tummy ache?? I feel like we are no longer compatible and can't understand why he wants us to get married when I will never live a life where I am walking with Christ? I'm so confused. In love him but is that enough ? I love my friends and family and I feel such a misfit right now. What are your thoughts please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): If you can't handle his lifestyle, then leave him for someone who shares your agnostic/atheist believe-in-nothing, why-are-we-even-here views and enjoy your life, because it's going to be the only one you're gonna have. Why waste time you'll never get back complaining about your boyfriend's views when you clearly don't agree and find it to actually be quite annoying?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): I see nothing in your description of him that is of danger but rather him "finding God" seems to have made him sensitive about himself and you. I think most of your concerns about him which you describe seem like a combination of some bigoted views about Christianity, snobbish perception of Christian culture and ignorance of why Christians are thankful to Jesus about all the good that comes their way. You maybe a grounded, moral person but what good does it have if it holds animus against the very source of your goodness. Why else would you consider what he does as a ridiculous gimmick?!Now, it maybe different but my statements are based on what I've read in your post. I am also struck by an irony whereby you stuck through him through his drunken days (sin) but now have doubts about him once he is sober (free of sin).Anyways, if his new "culture" is way too ridiculous for you, you should not waste your time with that man. Ultimately, you did your great moral deed which is that you've been there for him to get off alcohol and now that he is off it, maybe it's time for you to abandon him and seek out a man that could make you happy. There is no purpose in you remaining with him because the only thing he will get from you now are snarly remarks about his new self and, God forbid, may decide to revert back to his drinking just so he can conform to your religious expectations. I think you two are radically apart from each other that the past is the only commonality you two have together but it is the past which both of you worked so hard to change into abandon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): Don't marry him yet. Give it some time so that you can see thongs more clearly. He is changing quickly. Wait until things settle.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 March 2015):
 My first thought when I hear about "born again Christians" was yuck. I don't know when I would be able to accept the belief that God sent his own son as a sacrificial lamb because he loves us. At the same time, the irrational is the mystery and that's what makes us believe.
My reaction when I read that you are no longer intimate was that I worry it would be a sexless marriage but after you get married it would no longer be a sin.
The strongest message of being a Christian is that you live righteously and help others in need. I think it is a very good principle to live by. However religion is not something you can impose on people. It helped him when he was feeling low but that doesn't mean it has the same effect on other people.
He told you you don't have to change one bit so hopefully that means he goes to preach while you do your own thing. He can't control what you watch at home when he's not there.
Whenever I am at Church I zone out and wonder how other people could sit through it and nod at important points at sermon. If I was invited to the camp I would focus on nature, on meeting new people and not really care about what they say about God.
I would be worried about him relapsing some time, when the temptation is stronger than his faith. For a lot of people faith can be fickle.
He wants to get married because he misses the sex and because he wants to do the right thing. He let you down before but he loves you and wants to share Christ with you.
Overall, I would take the risk and marry him, out of love. You already share a child. I think the benefits outweigh the initial shock of his strange transformation.
The name Jesus can be replaced by anything you wish if you feel annoyed. The point is it's something that uplifts you and gives you strength when you need it. Jesus can't tell you if it's a good idea to marry him, but he could only give you comfort and reassurance that whatever decision you make it would be a good one.
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