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female
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*ridetobe
writes: I have been with my fiance for 6 and half years and recently I have started to doubt my feelings towards him. We have lived together for two years and are due to get married next May and I am terrified at the thought. We have not had sex for nine months as I don't feel like it with him and I have also started to fancy other guys. He says he loves me and it doesn't matter, but the truth is I love him but I'm not in love with him. What do I do without hurting him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): Please save any damages that can occur in the future and anyone getting hurt. DO NOT GET MARRIED until you really fall in love with someone and not get married for the sake of it.
You will only have an affair after your married and that can cause much more hurt and damage than this stage.
You have obviously both lost interest in each other, but cannot admit it to each other. Sit and talk openly about how each of you feel. You may be surprised. Then you can make a decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): I know it's agony, but you've done the right thing. You may be scared that things can change so drastically after 6 years, but in the long run it's best you both air these feelings. Remember that this "good thing" you worry about losing now (according to you) has been for the past year sexless and restless - in other words not so good. Remember that things were good for a long time, but don't overlook the fact that you were for whatever reason pretty unsatisfied for a long stretch recently. THOSE are your current feelings, and they are an indicator that something needs to change.
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female
reader, bridetobe +, writes (10 September 2006):
bridetobe is verified as being by the original poster of the question We have talked now about having a two week seperation just to see if I still feel the same, although now he doesn't even want to give me that he says its all or nothing. I'm confused and don't want to throw something away that might be worth saving.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): no sex for nine months, i think that that is a sign of interest faiding. him excepting you being into other guys is just him not wanting to let go. he doesn't really except it, he is just trying to hold on to what ever you let him. stop playing with him, you know what you don't want at least so spair some of his pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): When did you decide to start to fall out of love with him and why? What brought this on?
What have you done to rekindle the romance? What are you willing to do before calling it quits?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): DON'T GET MARRIED. I don't care if you read the rest of this as long as you get that first sentence. If you're interest in him is flagging even before the wedding, that doesn't bode well for the rest of your relationship. Your relationship should be at its absolute best when you enter into marriage. Sometimes things cool off in the future, but you shouldn't start up with a massive problem such as no longer loving your partner. In the short term, you simply have to hurt him now rather than hurting him slowly over years and years in an empty relationship. Be brave and say it now - "I don't feel the same way anymore".
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