A
female
age
36-40,
*hris' Girl?
writes:I've been dating C for 4 months, everything moved way too fast. He has a lot on his plate right now trying to get his 2 daughters back from CPS and he can't seem to let his baby's mama go, after 9 years. I saw all the warnings and walked into this mess anyways. before we started dating, I got to see all the good he holds inside of him, we had so much in common and loved each others company. He's cheated on me with G (the baby mama) and always hunts me down, and apologizes. This last time he sat down and told me that realized his faults and knows now that he loves me more than he thought he ever did or could and see's me as his wife someday. He said that he didn't want to push me away anymore and he would quit talking to G, she doesn't have the kids so he said he didn't want to talk to her at all. Then last Friday he called me 15 minutes before I got off work to tell me that he was out of town and wasn't picking me up and hung up. Now he wants to say he's sorry again and I'm so broken inside; I know I shouldn't stay with him but I've allowed all of my self confidence and esteem to be stripped away and don't feel like I'm good enough. I love him, but I miss myself and I want to be happy again, how can I find myself? Where can i find the strength and desire to leave and move on?
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cheated on me, confidence, move on, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 July 2009):
 You do it by action. And the first action is by not believing his act. Its as fresh as a Foghat Concert. You know that he will come back with a sob story the next time it happens, which there will be a next time, and a next time, and a next time.He will always have some relationship with the mother of his children, that is just a fact. You know he has her as a booty call, and he can do it just because. It dosent make it easier I know, but you have to face that fact.Your first paragraph sums it up quite nicely. he will never be yours, and you will have to share him as long as you are with him. FACT!You find the strength by cutting all contact off with him COMPLETELY. don't answer the door, erase his numbers, emails, everything. Any last vestige of your life with him should be thrown to the trash. You must act and act now before you revisit this drama. This is a broken record and you also need to get some counseling with your self esteem issues. You are very young, and I know it hurts when the one you love really does not love you. And I think you already know he does not love you.If you have to grieve a little for what you feel you are losing, do so. and believe me, young lady this happens to the best of people, so do not think you are the only one in this boat. Ive been there, and Id bet my farm that most people have been there. So I do know what you are struggling with.Even if its looking for an online support group to help you deal with it, thats ok. But you need to get help for YOU, and find the nearest curb and dump him off at it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): You already have the strength and desire to leave him and move on, once you realize that there are other guys out there with way less baggage and some that can at least date you and treat you like a normal person. Realize that he doesn't love you even though you say you love him...his actions speak louder than words. I'm sure the only downside of leaving him is not having someone to chase u, so you end up lonely...but if I were you, I'd rather be lonely than being hurt and treated like that. Btw I haven't seen you say one "good" thing about him and maybe he has good inside him...but he sure as hell ain't gonna change anytime soon for you. Stop being blind babe, leave him already.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (3 July 2009):
One girl I know wrote a list and put it by her phone: it had the names of women her boyfriend cheated on her with and other things he had done that hurt her. Everytime he called to apologize or when she had the urge to call him she would look at that list and read it over and over til the urge went away. He's obviously not over his childrens mother, altho he may really love you he is not ready for a relationship. That doesnt mean you have to sit around and let your heart get trampled on. Get yourself busy with your friends, a job, some classes, or volunteer work to get your mind off of it. Meet new people, he will either see the error of his ways or he wont and will continue on with his ex. Either way its not a good situation for you and you know it. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): If you've been with someone for 4 months and he's already cheated, that's a bad sign. This guy is a mess, and the longer you stay with him, the more this situation will erode your self esteem. I see you're still young, so you have time to save yourself; trust me, if you start accepting this behavior from him, you will begin to accept it from every other man you have a relationship with. If you want to find yourself again, start by getting rid of this person who has made you feel like you're not good enough to deserve a decent and faithful boyfriend.
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