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female
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*ym
writes: My boyfriend of 3yrs cheated on me with a much older women. I've tried to get over it and move on as I have stayed with him, taking his word that he will never do it again. I can't seem to forget no matter how much I try. It haunts me but I love him so much. My insecurity even tries to stop him from going clubbing with his friends.Please can someone give me advice and tell me what I should or could do to help myself.
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female
reader, clare123  +, writes (12 March 2009):
if you think u will always hav that doubt it will never be a healthy relationship, me and my ex wer nearly getting back togther recently becuase i do still love him very much but after wot he did to me i will never trust him again even if i wanted to. no matter how you think about it, that person you really love and loves you, isnt the same anymore!
its really hard to let go, but I did it because i knew it is better for the long term! you need to make yourself happy without him and then u realise how amazing you are and how you deserve better than a cheat!
gud luck, i hope you find the strength! xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): well i am a male and i cheated on my girlfriend and it was the worst mistake of my life but we were together for like 2 or 3 months after she found out, i am young and so is she, but i love her so much that i just go crazy, how do you gain trust back
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): I don't think you neccesarily need professional help, people told me that when I split from my ex, who was a terrible cheat and yet I took him back, more than once and injured my self greatly. I ended up not wanting to carry on living, thinking I was ugly and stupid and completely worthless. He did nothing to help me and seemed to enjoy the power he had over me. I am with someone new know and he has helped me tremendously, and whilst we may not stay together for ever, my confidence is re-built and surprise surprise my ex has been trying to make amends. The hardest thing for me has been resisting his advances, that may seem odd in the context of the above, but I loved him desperatly and when i see him now, I still love him. Crazy. You have to be strong and realise that he is the bad person not you and you have nothing to feel ashamed of or worthless about, he is the cheat. Decide whether you think ther eis likley to be a repeat performance of his cheating, and if there is for your own sake, get out now. You will feel better and happy again, and you will learn to live around the pain levaing him may cause you. Take care, chin up and good luck. xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): I really feel sorry for you,i have been in the same situation and can't let him go because im too in love- sad but true. The previous person has enlightened me- the more insecure and needy we become the more they walk all over us.I feel v insecure with my man, also of 3 years- yet in many ways he makes me feel v much loved- so now if i suspect he's cheating im wondering am i going mad. anyway if u feel he's not treating u the way he should u should start looking around, for a start, and maybe standing back from him and luk after urself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): Hun, how much more are you going to withstand? You are hurting inside and I think you know what has to be done. People who cheat on the very people they are supposed to love, are very selfish, cruel people.I have no nice words for cheaters. Getting your bf's behaviours into logical perspective is likely very hard and painful for you. It's your denial and confusion that is causing your insecurities and self-doubts. Don't allow his behaviours to do this to you, hun-you can control these inner demons by dealing with the source of your pain...your boyfriend. When you are in a relationship, you become a loving, support team, you share together. Sorry to say this, hun but if he doesn't want to build a loving, trusting relationship with you. Thinking of leaving this relationship will hurt-but these are the life experiences we take and grow strong from. You deserve to have someone who loves and respects you. You don't appear to be getting it from this guy. He shattered the trust and he's doesn't seem to be doing anything to gain back it back. He grown lazy and I think it's time for you to re-evaluate this relationship. Like the previous reader said, you may need some counselling to to acquire the support and strength to get yourself out of this hurtful situation and once again, regain your pride, self-worth and dignity. Only you can help yourself...now do it and I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): Get some professional counseling. You need help. Obviously something was not right between the two of you for him to cheat with another woman. And, you admit to be very insecure about him, the very thing that tends to turn men off given women. He can't change your sense of well being, and self worth. If you don't like yourself, he can't change that. Only you can. But, you need professional help to do that.
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